Ignorance and assorted other states of bliss [new and slightly improved edition]

No point in starting out, "This is a lengthy read" anymore, right?

First up after a great long weekend, a sincere Thanks to JX3 for introducing me to a lot of the people I've been reading like a junkie for the last few months. For anyone who liked the last post (with the notable exception of Bloody P , who in case you didn't know is a total bastard!) I'm glad, and thanks to a bunch of you for taking the time to say so. For anyone who didn't like it - Mummy always told me: F'EITCTAJ...

Having given it considerable thought over the long weekend, I've arrived at the painful conclusion I'll never come up with anything like that again. For one thing, there just aren't that many memes to memic (yeah, that's a pun...sortof). So that was it, for whatever it was worth. No encore. 5 weeks into the experiment and I reached my high-water mark. Content from hereon in will only get stranger, generally less informative and very possibly less intelligble. This could be construed as what some call: Fair Warning.

The alternative I gnawed on with the desperate nihilism I reserve for trips to the pharmacy to pick up "feminine napkins" for my lady friend - what? yes, alright fine, my Wife, if you want to be all 'legally-binding monogamy' about it - was to pull a true Costanza and quit immediately. Shut 'er down. Go out on a high note. Good Evening Pasadena!* No one offended, a few people mildly amused: any way you add it up it's a plus in the ledger of Odds Things I've Done To Avoid My Research Project. [A list which sadly includes the likes of watching 16 hours of Lifetime - Television for Women (ie. not you, lowlife), scrubbing down a neighbour's chocolate lab - no, that's not a metaphor, and of course, lying comatose in my bed with quilt over head wondering why I ever signed up for said Research Project in the first place. ]

However, in the end I decided to plough forward, in honor of The Poker Champ and other mythical beasts. On that note I'll share today's poker-related observations. These are very much stream-of-unconsciousness, so allow them their right to coexist meaninglessly.

1. Apparently the 6 year-old computer microphone that I have tried to use Zero times before yesterday evening's WWdN does not work. Listening in on the chat was engrossing though; oscillations of pressured speech and dulcet observation. I competely agree with Waffles, Carmen has a voice made for radio, warm sonic caramel. On the other hand, I found the chat experience pretty distracting to my already limited ability to, er...actually play poker. Worst. WWdN. Finish. Ever. 61/68. More impulse control issues, but I have a few more thoughts on this down the line. Still I might be better off sticking to typed chat (almost as girly, but half the calories... )

2. Kat is my new BFF for sending me these totally cool Digital Maple Leafs. My new Research Project Avoidance Project will be to implant them all over the blog. Given the fact that it took 4 different people to try to teach me in real-time how to work IM chat - all kindly avoiding pointing out that I am an idiot - this should tie me up until my contract runs out in June. Much obliged.

3. Don went out on a set of Kings to the nut flush which hit the flop for five-of-five. Don's equivalent of tilt was to simply opine the call of his KK pre-flop re-raise while holding A2h was, "interesting". That's MiamiDon style brotha, and when in an SnG later that night someone did almost the exact same thing to me (rivered a one-outer to behead my lords) I received compliments for not reaming the guy or tilting. All I could say was, "I've seen it happen". Veritas.

4. One of the funniest lines of chat I saw before I was busted pushing my short stack (800) AKo out of the blinds into a 4BB raise from my left by Ostate Poker holding KK (Quick Aside: how bad a play was this on my part? I had limited info on him, so won't claim to know what his range was. Better to reraise and see if he goes over top? Call? I would have hit a K on the flop and likely pushed at that point into the set...also a mistake? I am having a tough time fine tuning the difference between aggression and recklessness).

But back to the line of the night. Ostate Poker (sorry don't know your blog yet, brotha), was playing for the first time and asked G-Rob if he was too. I remember my first couple of blogger tourneys - ya never know if it's cool to just start chatting, and it's a little intimidating when everone seems to have known everyone forever. Yes, I know, now you can't shut me up - I can type fast and I'm a little manic, whatdya want? G-Rob told him "yep, my first time too." You could almost hear the table go, "Dude...WTF?" I busted this little joke shortly before busting myself. Sorry G-Rob, but you definitely had me smiling. I left before it all finished, so I don't know who won, but I know Ostate had a huge stack thanks to eating his Ohioan counterparts -Poker Jones and I. PJ, I like the idea of playing live, shoot my dead money an email and let's work it out.

5. I broke my promise to read more and play less. I have definitely been doing the reading - the Green Book is surgically attached to me these days, but was back playing only 2 days later. Yeah, I was jonesing a bit, I'll admit it - better watch that...It was clearly a mistake, because I am in the murky transition period of exiting The Cave. The light is bright to eyes unused to it, and as a result, I find myself playing worse for the uncertainty. In an effort to play with a better decision making process, I am taking so long to do things like calculate odds and fix my read that I am getting timed out of hands! This is of interest to me because all I do all day long [when not dithering my research rotation's away] is make tough decisions in relatively short packets of time. I guess that's the point of years of training, whether in the lab or at the felt.

6. There's something to be said for just truly not knowing how bad you are.
I played two live winner-take-all SnG's with a bunch of Radiologists on Monday - a river suckout cost me the first one, but I dispatched the pack in under an hour in game 2. My Point: my friends are (with 1 or 2 exceptions) horrible poker players, but don't know it. They love to play! For me, beating them is no longer any fun - it feels like I'm fighting below my weight class. That said, I'm only a (graying) hair better than them, and most of you have a much better handle on what you're doing at the table than I do. So the irony is, out of my friends, I am the one dissatisfied with my game, despite consistently beating the only live game I play. There are moments when I wish I could go back to the way I was; unaware I was a slightly bigger fish in a pond teeming with them. Now I guess I'm in evolution...unless of course you don't believe in that kind of thing, in which case you could say I've willed into a new state of being by Divine Providence.

7. I read a bunch of Felicia's posts after Wes recommended her blog. One laid out the nature of the work required to become adept at the game. It reminded me of the work involved in learning to play chess competently. With the notable difference that in poker a kick in the nuts, while holding the near-nuts, is just around the corner. I'm not adverse to hard work and study; my life these last few years doesn't seem to have been much else. But I was unsure of my motivation until I really had a good think about it over the weekend and set some goals.

Ironically, given that Felicia's recent missive was interpreted by some as being critical of tourney specialists, I think MTT specialization is the only thing that makes any sense for me. I think she was simply criticizing the Schmoe who just wants to show up to WSOP-ME, get red-hot Kanter lucky [who else thinks crippling Class Act Greg Raymer on his unbelievable run is going to come back in a bad, bad kind of Karmic way for that guy?] and get a big paycheck, without understanding, or respecting, the game the pros work so hard at. Fair enough. For me, the only real rush I get out of poker now is when I think I played the hand well. (funda-Mentally speaking) I'm grounded enough not to play for stakes that could hurt me financially, but that means that the payouts don't mean much either. So if it ain't the money, what would be cool? Becoming the kind of amateur who could compete at WSOP. Not win - these days that looks more like an issue of Is This Your Day? - but compete. And earning the seat ala cmitch and Fuel55, not just buying in. That would be cool. Something to tell the grandkids about, and it might make for a decent post or two (yep, I really have turned into a blogger).

But yeah, there's about forty hard yards between here and the goal line. So for now, baby steps - startup poker education these next two months, play fewer games, but play them more seriously. I'll try cash games, better live games and some MTT's next month, in addition to this SnG habbit I've formed.

Still that - however unapologetically unoriginal - is what I want to accomplish. For me, a stated goal has always been the start of getting serious about doing the work required to obtaining it. I'm pretty sure I'll try a few WSOP events 2007 (yeah, even if I have to buy-in) just to cut a few teeth. But eyes-on-the-prize would likely be 2009, est field=43, 287. For entertainment's value I am considering coming to Vegas during this year's Jackpot Jubillee just to see what the damn thing looks like...when is that WPBT thing anyway?

Man's reach must exceed his grasp, else what's a Heaven for, eh? Put another way, Hope springs eternal, and some of us think that's a beautiful thing.

Doubts of course, spring infernal, and will need to be dealt with as days go by.


* I will donate a kidney to anyone who gets that reference. No not the good one - the ponderous lumpy-looking one on my right. Think 80's synth rock live albums...

Introspection and its Malcontents...aka those who can't teach, teach gym

Alright, per specific personal request from JJJ himself*, I humbly present the Definitive - read: right - Answers to The Questions.

[No points for originality if you were guessing Allen Iverson or Fortywhatever.]

And yes, You Are Welcome. It was wrong of me to keep them from you in the first place. I see that now. Thanks Trip for setting me straight.

1. What is the biggest mistake people make at a NL table?
Mostly I see an over-reliance on Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle when deciding whether to push pre-flop. Simply because you don't look at your hole cards before you call "All-In" does not, it turns out, guarantee you can then simply will them out of the agreed upon Superposition of States to the more desirable, but far harder to conjure, Imposition of Aces. I see rookie and expert make this mistake at least once a tourney, and it's well known that at Bellagio last year, Phil Gordon was seen trying to rend his eyes from their sockets for making just this mis-assumption. The trick, however tedious, is to remain strictly Newtonian in your outlook - or at worst Relativistic - and to shy away from the sexier tenets of your Neils Bohrs and Max Plancks. Good Poker is firmly in the realm of classical physics. Any 5 year old knows that.

2. What is the biggest mistake people make at a Limit table?
Well, I'll leave aside the old saw about "just sitting down to play limit hold'em". Assume you did sit down - and that assumption clearly just made an ass out of u and me (which on a related note is why I never assume anything: at worst I will assu, ensuring that if things do go tits up, I have only made an ass out of u. A +EV discovery if ever one was made.)

I'm sorry - what was the question?

3. Why do you play poker?
If that's supposed to be your passive-aggressive way of telling me you think I have a gambling problem - for the last time, "Go fuck yourself!" And I didn't sleep with your cousin on President's Day either, Helen. You can accuse me all you like, but I will never admit it. You hear me?! NE-VAH!!! God!!! How did I get stuck in this love-less husk of a life. Oh wait! I remember: I thought, "she looks like she'd be a good lay!" SLAM.

4. If you weren't playing poker, what would you be doing?
I know everyone thinks I'm going to say male-whoring - ya know, the whole "stick to your strengths" thing - but that's just not the case. Male-whoring has turned out to have very poor margins. All other things being equal - I guess I'd become the new host of Celebrity Poker Meltdown.

5. What is your favorite poker book and why?
You might expect me to say Tao of Poker, since I finished it last week. Or Theory of Poker which I finished this morning. But neither actually. Tao has a very odd square-like shape, and as a red-blooded Canadian man I prefer my books rectangular-like, thank you very much. As for Theory of Poker, the cover is hideous - looks like it was designed by a badger coming down off some very iffy mescaline. Worse still is the odd idea that you do poorly if you play your cards differently than you would if you could see your opponents' hole cards. There's nothing fundamental about that. Mental, yes. Fundamental? Nope. The only way you could see your opponents hole cards would be to have a buddy at ESPN or the Travel Channel hook you up with "cable". That's clearly only going to work at a TV table, Einstein.

mmmmmmm......On further thought I want to take Relativistic Physics off the table from answer one. Stick to Isaac baby. Isaac is money. Pure Money...

6. Who is your favorite poker player and why?
You are looking at him. He good enough, he's smart enough, and God DAMN the beeatches just loves him something fierce.

Oh you meant pro? Phil Ivey of course. He's looking for his wallet you know. Which wallet is his you ask? It's the one that says Bad MotherFucker on it...Yeah, there's mah Bad MotherFucker...

7. Which poker player do you dislike the most and why?
Well if I could figure out how to scientifically calculate which was a bigger douchebag (I'm pretty sure the units will be cubic meters, with apologies to my American friends) I could filter through Matusow, Sheikhan [rumors that those two have made a toe-sucking porno together remain quite odious and hard to remove from your brain once inside - but basically unverified] and of course Wes' favorite posterboy. As it is, I say take your pick. Axe, that is, and then run one through. Together, we'd make short work of it...

8. Do your coworkers know about your blog?
A few - but they comprise a loyal cadre of paid assassins I use to make problems like the one The Bracelet had Go Away. Bobby, you should have asked...I'd have been happy to help.

And now a quick 2 cents on that mess. I've posted my opinion on a couple of comments, but what the hell, this is my real estate: Yeah, I guess your employer can be a total dick about things when they feel their image is being tarnished by association. But seriously...didn't that reek of some mid-level manager out to screw someone over as part of a personal agenda? Sure, we only heard one side, but the whole thing's nuts. As a doc, I interact with reps all the time: if even one of mine in the last 8 years had been cool enough to snag a shot with Ava Fabian at the Mansion(Good God just think about that for a second - that's like pulling a reverse Hoy on Phil Hellmuth, being way behind on the flop, but sucking out on the river - ie. a great reason to believe in the Divine ), he'd have become my new best friend! Whatever company that is, they should change their motto to Tools 'R Us.

9. What is the most you have won in a cash game or MTT (both live and online)?
Oh, what...you guys actually keep track of that stuff? Interesting... must make a note somewhere ...try...keeping...records...moron....

10. What is the most you have lost in a cash game or in one day total (both live and online)?
10 goto 9 [I adore my 64, my Commodore 64]

11. Who was your first poker blog read?
Tao of Poker - and on that note, has anyone noticed that the website and the book are radically different? One's full of whores, pimps, drugs and violence - often all on the same page. Now that's how you teach someone poker! The other is a square-shaped book [see above for further clarification] written by a guy we need to get laid. Seriously. It's the right thing to do. Before he tells us how 'her' breasts felt like sandbags...

12. What satisfies you more, your aces holding up for a big pot or a bluff working for a big pot?
Strange as it sounds, I refuse to play Aces. I used to play them all the time, with varying degrees of success, but then I started reading poker blogs and have since become convinced that they are biblically cursed to a fate worse than cracking. However, waste not want not, and in that spirit I invented The Iak (pronounced Ike) which is to muck your Aces face up, while smiling and noting, "Don't need 'em...". Can't overstate how badly this really fucks people's shit up. The chatbox is reeling for a good 5 hands after it happens. Yes, on its face the move itself seems -EV, but I would refer you to the Hoy as another example of a truly can't lose mindfuck. What hand, after all would you put someone on who reraises you your whole stack, if the same villain is willing to muck AA? What hand indeed, my friends, what hand indeed...

I take a similar tack with bluffing and announce to the table, "I am going to reraise on a bluff for villain's entire stack". Those exact words, every single time I bluff. If you thought villain was having a rough time speaking my language before, a couple rounds of this kind of rope-a-dope and he's crying for mommeee.

Yeah, it usually costs me a couple of buy-ins to really pull these off, but its all about Table Image, baby. Table Image...

13. Why do you blog?
Mostly for the free booze and easy chicks...what? what exactly do you mean, "happily married with 3 kids"? Fine...I grudgingly concede the point, just as long the "free beers with posts" thing is still true. Which reminds me, "When are you people going to start sending me beer?" It's been a month - still nothing.

14. Do you read blogs from an RSS reader like bloglines or do you visit each blog?
RSS is the work of the devil. Bloglines spelled backwards and with only slightly different letters gives you Beelzebublines. These tools were designed to remove the personal human contact we bloggers so desperately crave. Of course, in "these tools", I guess you could include the entire computer too...

15. Would you rather play poker for a living than do what you currently do for a living?
Tough call...saving lives can be rewarding, but it don't get you a table at Tao, Friday 9pm.

16. Do you wear a tin foil hat on occasion?
Only as a marital aid. It's been 7 years - it's all about the costumes.

17. If you had to pin it down to one specific trait, what does a great poker player have (or do) that separates them from an average player?
Great question. The one uniform trait I see, and I mean speaking top to bottom of the world's very best is that they (to paraphrase Cliff Clavin) are not me. Nor are any of them in my kitchen. Who says Final Jeopardy is hard?

18. Is Drizz the coolest person on the planet for naming his baby Vegas?
Yeah, I was really grooving on Dakota Fanning's parents for a while, but 'Vegas' does take it up a notch. Having been part of three kid namings, I agree Mrs. Drizz gets most of the credit for letting him though.

19. What is your primary poker goal and are you close to accomplishing it?
Well I used to have goals, but having immersed myself in an aforementioned queer-as-folk square-shaped book, I have since simply become at one with the game, and seek only to "know and not be knowing". In other words I want to know how much money I could win playing pokah, and not be knowing how much I have already said goodbye to. If I achieve this ultimate Piscean Duality, my game will be complete - with or without a matching HUD and well earned smiley-face.

20. What is your primary online site and why?
Pokerstars, also known by some as FuckingFuckPokerFuckinStarsIhateyouyouMotherFuckinPokerstars and hope you die.
Or something like that...I may have missed a fuck. No exclusive loyalty here, more brand laziness lately, but am probably going to try Full Tilt very soon. Why? Cause everybody says its the Shiznit - that's why.

21. What site do you dislike and why?
Sites are like ex-girlfriends: best not to badmouth them too vocally; they might just get the upgrade [ie. their breasts done] and then where are you? uh-huh - screwed (or not, depending on how you look at it).


And there you have it. Let's be clear: These Remain the Definitive Answers for all intents and purposes. Yes, obviously for marking purposes, but not restricted solely to that purpose. Character assassination for example, is still a viable use of the Definitive Answers. Toilet paper could be another if you own a printer and can get a roll of Cotonelle to feed correctly. Your call.


* He was drunk, naturally - quite a mean drunk too most would agree - and was threateningly waving a machete of some foreign make. I asked as to my offense, and he replied, "Once more into the breach, dear friend..." To which I replied, "My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun..." Well he cut off my left nut right there with one swell foop. And as I lay dying, through the sound and fury I heard him whisper, "Everyone completes the Questions..." before he stole away into the murderous dark. Yes it happened just like that, shortly after last week's Mookie.

Implied odds and ends...

Yeah, I just went with title because I am sucker for a good play on words.

Which, my obsessive compulsive nature now wants me to point out, is not the same thing as a pun. Both types of wit rely on taking the unsuspecting ear where it didn't expect to go, however a pun does so by deliberately mispronouncing a word, whereas a play on words is trickier, using real words for the sleight of hand. The French, circa 1600, certainly preferred the jeau de mot to the lowly pun, and I who am I to argue with a country that venerates both Jerry Lewis and Michael Jackson?

But this is a poker post. Of sorts...

I am actually not too embarassed by my yet again mid-range exit from the Mookie (TT vs AQ - he found his Q nuff said). But my play, especially after Darth Vader moved in to my left with a huge stack of chips, was erratic in the mid-game.

Hand selection, hand selection, hand selection.

Even if I think The Dark Lord is stealing, I should probably let him go unless I am willing to put my entire rack on the line, cause that's the decision he will inevitably put me to. It didn't help that I was wedged between JJJ and Caligula right when I thought I had found a groove. Between lots of what looked and felt like steal-raises and lots of "yeah? how good is that hand?" reraising from the immediate left, I was thrown off of my early plan of playing only a few hands but playing them with a religious fervour. It's instructive how ego can surreptiously corrupt a sound thought process. At least it should be.

So where is it all going? Well, I like the WWdN and Mookie. I always have a good time - if anything losing focus because its enjoyable to chat with the gang, and work feverishly to create, then screenshot a Hoyable situation. I also use them to uncover weaknesses in my psychological approach to hands and to figure out where I am making errors in hand selection and play. As you all know, the play is aggressive with a capital A. And no bones, I want to do better in them, so I've been mulling over what needs to happen next. I decided to take the next 5 days off of playing and just do some homework. Long overdue, agreed, but better later than Ne-Vah, correct?

I finished Tao of Poker a couple of days ago, and I just finished Theory this morning. As I sit here writing I am half-way through the Green Book and I note an interesting phenomenon is happening to me, for the first time in years. I was never one of those kids who could study a few hours a day for a month leading up to an exam. My wife, on the other hand, is exactly like that. When we were interns, we'd come home after 16 hours days, I'd crash, put SportsCenter on and "decompress". She'd drop her bags, make tea, pull out a book and just tear through her textbooks for 2 hours. Like clockwork, 2 hours every day, no excuses. Its why she's as very good as she is at what she does. She takes it very seriously and knows what game works for her.

But me? Slow and steady is not my style. Thankfully, my game plays to different strengths. I have an above average memory and I can jam large chunks of data into my head in relatively short sittings. The cliche of the guy studying the night before and doing well is obviously made-for-TV stuff, but where some need 6 months of study to prep for US Board Exams, I have made do with 6 weeks of long nights and complete focus for both of my Certs. I think I am also a born apprentice, in that most of what I know about medicine I learned from paying close attention to master clinicians at the bedside. WWdN and The Mookie are as much a chance to learn at the bedside as they are a good time (which they are, right up until I am transformed into light green text).

The blog was the first expression of my desire to take the same approach to my game that I do to my day job. I've heard it said that getting someone writing is the surest way to get them reading, and for me that process is now in full swing, both online [if you're reading this, and you have a blog, it's a safe bet I've been reading you these last two weeks] and in print. Harrington is next, but doubt I'll finish before I come out of exile for WWdN. Once June starts, I'll be in the last month of my current contract, and its a busy one: ICU and Consulting Service. That'll no doubt slow my playing and writing down a little, but I bet it'll be good for me. I am in transition, after quite a while in the wilds. I now know just enough to understand I am making major mistakes every once in a while, and able to recognize (if not always prevent) them. Rooting them out is becoming a hobby / part-time job.

When it all boils down, I'm an optimist by nature. That's serving me well as a I try to jump on this particular bandwagon late in the day.

Later.

I am an idiot, but there are mitigating circumstances...aka at least she's Canadian...aka this week's screwup at the WWdN...

Greetings sportsfans. Yep, I'm talking to you, because while blog numero uno is for the sheer pleasure of writing and working things out for myself, I would be kidding if I pretended I don't write this stuff in the hopes someone will read it and smile for one reason or another.

This blog is an act of enlightened self-interest, and it has introduced me to Eric, Don, Hoya [who's profound influence on my game may take years of therapy to undo], Jordan and Wes (not forget the lovely Carmen), thereby justifying its existence in perpetuity. Who knows who'll stop by the comments section next and say hey. [Edit: can't believe I forgot to mention Mookie on this list - has everyone noted how cool it is of The Mook to stop by and visit everyone's site post tournament, thank them for playing and coment? Class Act through and through. Plus he must have about as much down time as I do these days!]

A quick aside on The Questions:
For the record, I read Trip Jax's blog regularly and have for a long time, but there is no way in the world that my answers to his thought-provoking questions would be of any interest to someone seeking to improve their play. I considered pulling a Constanza and figuring out what I would normally say and then writing down the exact opposite, but felt even that could be detrimental to an innocuous passerby, since we all know the opposite of uninformed is actually mis-informed. Put another way, the only thing worse than no information, is bad information. For further elucidation, I refer you to what's left of Iraq.

Now back to the blog and how it has helped me meet people who are cool to talk and have inspired me to try and improve my play. To all of them I apologize, because none of this alleged improvement showed last night. If anything, I think I am playing worse in the WWdN as time passes! Still, even if that's true...I had my moments last night.

Okay, not the one where I handed Jules a huge chunk (read almost all) of my stack when I raised my 99 into a KJK flop and she gave me a whopper reraise...donkey says, "She must be bluffing". donkey call. donkey break leg, but unlike Derby winner, no one waiting to perform surgery underwater. Plus donkey only wish he gets Derby winner's stud fees. donkey perfectly happy to perform stud duties at significant discount, but no takers... [This hand has eerie similarities to the one last Tuesday where Gillain put whip-to-hide with his Jacks to the Fourth (DQB!) that I thought I could bluff through. This isnt so much a hole or a leak to be addressed. The Captain needs to draw and quarter himself , then start from scratch...]

Yet I can't complain I wasn't warned. That dumbass move was presaged by my chat with Don, where he offered this important caveat having watched me call down a straight with mid pair: "For God's sake, be careful Iak!" Fuck, its so simple its brilliant. And clearly ignored not more then 30 minutes later. Don, are you still talking to me? Cause if you've decided I'm too much of a fucktard to live, I wouldn't blame you.

So what were the mitigating circumstances I referred to cryptically in the title? In no particular order:

1) It was my birthday. I tend to be a contemplate-your-mortality kind of guy every May 23, and this one was no different. 35. As in Dante's age when he wakes up and finds out God wants to walk him through hell for a quick once-through. Unsurprisingly, I like no big fuss made, and my dear girl knows that well, but decided we should have a cake nonetheless. For the kids. Oh - kay. Its hard to argue with a person who anticipates almost every need you have and tries to fulfill them before you even figure out how to articulate it. She's a good girl, and that means she gets her way more often than not, just the way the universe wants it. In addition she has had a very tough week - see the other blog if you're interested - and I wasn't going to say no to anything that might make her smile.

2) In addition to my kids being hopped up on cake and ice cream, my younger brother Cash (a great name for a poker player if ever there was one) who is a helluva good guy, stopped by after I gently told him I just wanted to chill (per annual rite) and play this tournament in peace and quiet. He showed up anyway. Ya gotta love him - he brought me 3 seasons of Millenium DVDs, a show I used to totally obsess over and like much better than anything I'm watching these days. 'Lost' has nothing on the texture and mood that Millenium had when it was really cracking... The point is, the entire time I was playing there was a fucking maelstrom of celebration going on all around -particularly during that hand with Jules. I know, I know, don't be a total tool and hide behind your wife and kids, you big douchebag. I won't.

Like a man, I'll blame my brother: that bastard insisted Jules was bluffing. When she crippled me, he kind of chuckled and muttered "...or maybe not." Happy Birthday? There's no such thing... Still like the DVDs man, thanks for that at least!

3) I was not running good today anyway, having taken 3 serious beats in a row, prior to the tournament - yet inscrutably I still felt today was the day I was going to go deep (shooting for top 15). It was not to be and I really have only my impulse control disorder (and my brother) to blame. When the universe is trying to talk to you, the sensible man shuts up. The coup de grace came later, but as cruel a birthday present as any Aussie Canuck has given me, my exit was still a badge of honor (see below).

And did you have fun?

Sure did, and the $11 was well spent since it allowed me to do this, to great acclaim even, in honor of Hoyazo - BTW what the hell happened to you man, by the time I got around to looking for your table, you were out. Aces cracked? Reverse Hoy backfire? Details no doubt to follow. This one was for you, brotha.

As bad as I was playing, even I put Jack on an 8, my only hope was to get Garth to call and chop a fairly juicy pot with Jack. To wit the Hoy did exactly what we all know it does - nullify your opponent's abilty to remove themselves from danger. I loved that SoxLover came in to observe the deployment - his comment had an almost mystical nature to it - the minute he said it, I knew Garth was gonna call.

Which he did.

You have to admire Garth, what a class act, finding time to pay tribute to the Hoy on the way out the door. Big Ups man, and as we are establishing with every passing day, there is no more shame in busting out to a Hoy then there is to a Hammer. ie. No Shame At All. See slide 5 for proof. I may not have won (haha), but I took no small satisfaction in demonstrating my Hoy aptitude. Some might argue it put me in a euphoria as deadly positive as tilt is deadly negative...


But as Wil no doubt could tell us, All Good Things...I've already told you what happened to most of my stack following my A River Runs Through It moment of grace. So, I got my tiny little stack in with what I thought should do the trick (Fucking Pokerstars did not give me option to Hoy, which I instantaneously knew meant that I was fucked...), but that hot Aussie Canuck (love the bullwhip) polished me off in fine style. Can't complain about it a bit.


Hammer Goot indeed Sires (stop by and say high so I can put your link in - you too SaintJack).

And that was my birthday. I learned from this that tilt is not possible when the house is full of people who may be distracting you, but only because they want to tell you they love you.

And buy you very cool shit. My girl got me a Bally's membership with a personal trainer to work with me during my semi-retirement this Summer. (I finish training in June, don't start the new job till October, so it should be great...). Underwear modelling here I come. Yeah right. On which note I say look out tomorrow at the Mookie, where I lock myself in a hermitically sealed tank and take that bad boy DOWN!

Or not. Later.

Intro to Hoy Deployment - the 286th rule to transform your game and your life

I know I run long in length at times (yeah, you know what I mean), so for this entry, I'll let the screenshots due the talking. I'd props the HammerPlayer for unleashing the power of this technology, but considering my last two entries are named after him, that should be plenty of recognition as it is...

Now anyone who has even skimmed this blog or gone up against me at the Mookie or WWdN knows I have little in the way to offer when it comes to plumbing the depths of Sklansky, Harrington or the like. However, I do consider myself a connoisseur of that recently developed Bunker Buster: The Hoy. I may actually be deploying this tool on a per hand basis more frequently than its creator. And to great effect. I would humbly direct your attention to the following textbook use of the Hoy in armed combat. In particular keep an eye on Casimodo and my Peri-Hoyian dialogue with him. I like to think of the chatbox as another weapon in my (admittedly bare) arsenal. It can be used to soothe and charm one player, it can be used to UltraTilt another - and sometimes you can accomplish both goals at the same time.

Without further ado:
Deploying the Hoy 101
[Of course, for the Advanced Course, see the HammerPlayer's recent post from WWdN Not, but the following should give the initiate an idea of what mayhem can be wrought by even a rookie.]

Note here that our friend Y Perch was ahead post-flop in the traditional sense of odds calculation. Of course once a Hoy has been invoked, you are already +EV regardless of the actual result - you just have to factor in the mental torture you have inflicted which will pay (BIG) dividends down the road. And almost equally reliable as the AJ/AQ riverfuck others have documented, I have delivered no less than 4 vicious beats on the river using the Hoy. Y took this one like a man (a trait far too rare on Stars as we all know) and eventually grew to admire the Hoy. I am sensing Gentile #2 in the making...

Now if you're not gonna Hoy with this hand, you better just pack it in, and go back to kiddie moves like continuation betting (whatever the fuck that is). This hand is bulletproof, if you have the balls to Hoy it like Shaft would (ie. right at two over cards). Note I have the opportunity to chat the flop at him - setting the table for major tiltage in short order. And guess what? I get called by Casimodo holding 66. What a dipshit. Who goes and calls a Hoy with 2 over cards showing? What's that? You say I'm behind in the hand thanks to his good read on me and my overplaying of my cards? mmmmm....you are just not listening. The Hoy is (mostly) bulletproof. You have my word on that.

Here is my expert mathematical analysis of my play and Casimodo's play. Wes and Don, I'll need you to back me up on this when you get a chance...

Dropping a Hoy = Manly. So Manly it ought to be an entry in the Alphabet of Manliness.

Calling a Hoy = Evidence you are a suicidally stupid sheep. And as a certain Gecko taught us: Sheep get sheared.

Now if that turn card didn't totally fuck Casimodo's shit up, he's a better man than me. But the Hoy and its mysterious outs-summoning cache is still poorly understood by even we Hoy aficionados. How the fuck is this sad little boy to know what he was messing with? Note below that he can't contain the rage...although he is trying to pass it off as nonchalance. Just needs a push [ of course I mean push - 1 ] in the right direction to get there...mmmmmm, how can I help? Ah yes: I taught him the official motto of Hoyatude. Now, I can't take credit for this pithy witticism, much as I 'd love too. iamhoff revealed the fundamental paradigm of Hoyian physics in the comments section of Hoyazo's last post. But I do take full credit for realizing genius where I find it.]

Okay, let me think...the day I got married....the birth of my kids (3)....watching this Hoy go off like a neutron bomb in Casimodo's lap, ensuring radioactive (if any) genitalia for years to come...

And then I decide to give him the poker clinic he so desperately deserves. [Yes its true I just bought my first three books on poker today - 6 months into things, but that is not the point. The only way to maximize Hoy utility is to open up your Post-Hoy chat something fierce, whether hypocritical or not. For the greater good if you will...]

But if you mis-speak, even in chat, you should be man enough to admit it. Which I am.

But why you ask, and fairly so, why would I not channel my energies on the difficult task of maintaining focus, mastering the considerable discipline to play tight/aggressive for seven levels, and make sure to cash? Because my friends, a properly executed Hoy will only assist you in all of those goals, while making the game itself infinitely more emotionally satisfying. For one thing, I don't even surf for porn while the Hoy is bombs-away. Can't afford the loss of a hand when I need to be chatting with the fury of Clubber Lang. Done right, you can get rid of one guy, and totally freak the rest of the table out for the remainder of the run. Bounce one guy with the Hoy, and it will be a wet day in Rome before someone calls you on your inevitable HammerHoy (that's obviously 72o from the blinds, all-in minus 1). God, how did I resist starting a poker blog for as long as I did? This shit is fun!

And for the short answer as to Why I Hoy? Check out Casimodo's insta-push all-in to a very suspicious 2BB raise from Mountain Fall (who had foot firmly to the accelerator with his raises the whole game through) and what Casimodos's limbically impaired, Hoy-induced tilt nets him.

Look at that board! Where is a Hammer when you need one? Now as cruel as this seems, I had to keep hazing him until he pulled an even more ill advised all-in and was bounced 2 hands later. And yes I couldn't resist one more Motto. Does that make me insensitive? Or does this new found addiction just make me nuts? Let's leave that rhetorical shall we? Later.

Indoctrinating the Masses...aka The Hoy goes Mainstream...aka a hand history without any hands

Welcome back, Insomniacs and High Plains Drifters alike.

Before I get started, let me thank my buddy Thirsty from Koreanpoker for helping me with my blog. As it happens, I picked the easiest layout I could, and even then I had no clue. From one expat (I'm a Canuck from Toronto) to another, 'Much obliged'.

Now as far as I see it, I'm providing more content today than I need to, or than any of you might want. I might even be flooding the market, but something just happened playing an SNG on 'Stars that I have to share. Yes I know, I have done absolutely nothing for 4 days but surf blogs, play poker till the crack of dawn, and ramble on in this space. But this time I have something historic to tell you about.

The Hoy (the move, not the HammerPlayer) just went mainstream.

For the unitiated (and how you could have gotten to this blog without knowing Hoyazo's I have no idea), the Hoy is when you all-in minus 1 chip, to let you chat the beeatches all you want, and potentially dump humiliations galore on them as you rag on them down to the river. Still in its infancy, it has become my go-to move of choice to loosen up a tight table by convincing them I am a maniac - which even money would say is the case anyway. Plus, the Stickin' it to the Man mentality (in this case, 'Stars) it embodies is hard to argue with. Don't know what it is about my sense of humor that is so enamored of the Hoy, but I have literally laughed out loud at the tiltage it inspires. To date I have pullled the Hoy 5 times in SNG play, with it blowing up in my face 2/3 times - but even then tilting the guys who called! So far, having watched those matches till completion, no person to survive a Hoy has gone on to actually win an SNG. As a physician, my guess is that the stress of getting Hoy'ed acts to undermine deep seated neurochemical imbalances lying dormant in the limbic region. To be more specific, The Hoy is kind of like a kick in your limbic region's junk. Which just can't be good for you...

And, yeah I know what you're thinking: Bankroll/Poker Fundamentals - not so clear on. Current Hoyage Deployment - All over that shit! To which I say, "ya gotta start somewhere."

Thus, in my own limited way, I have become the Paul of Tarsus of the Hoy.

And today I converted my first Gentile.

Now there is only one master of the screenshot, and it is not I. Although I had presence of mind to record the fucker, I forgot to paste the historic moment before I went for another shot. This unforgivable gaffe was roundly repented with forty swats of the Discipline (Fig A), and by tightening my Cilice (Fig B) until my right nut looked like a pomegranate.

Fig A


Fig B



To make up for it, I requested a tournament history from Stars and have painstakingly tried to recreate the moment for posterity. Now I know everyone loves hand histories in the same enabling way we all love tales which end with the teller getting drowned at the river when they were way ahead just prior. Nonetheless I made the executive decision to excise all the actual cardplay from this transcript and focus your attention on what really mattered. History in the Making.

You are welcome.

______________________________________________________________

The following is the (slightly) edited transcript of the 20+2, 9 player SNG I played in this afternoon. Commentary in italics.

Transcript for tournament #25017608 requested by Iakaris
(iakaris@sbcglobal.net)
*********** # 60 **************
PokerStars Game #4986227169: Tournament #25017608, $20+$2 Hold'em No
Limit - Level VI (100/200) - 2006/05/19 - 16:47:48 (ET)
Table '25017608 1' 9-max Seat #9 is the button
Seat 2: SDotWrx (2915 in chips)
Seat 7: abweber (1650 in chips)
Seat 9: Iakaris (8935 in chips)

[the above only included to verify for the sceptical that this game actually happened and was not a product of me huffing my printer cartridge while my wife was at work and the kids were with the nanny...and of course to show that I was rocking the felt strong this afternoon...C-town Reprahzentin! - insert involuntary shudder here - ]

abweber said, "hey Iak, hurry up and double me up"
Iakaris said, "sounds good..."
abweber said, "two double ups and i'm right there"
Iakaris said, " I'm gonna be breaking out a move I call the Hoyazo soon" In retrospect, I shouldn't have come off like it was my move, but I wanted a teaser out there to set the table...
abweber said, "what is the hoyazo? " Bingo...abweber, who in addition to SDotWrx, turned out to be a totally cool guy, demonstrates a keen and penetrating mind by inquiring further about this mysterious new poker tool...table successfully set

*********** # 61 **************
Iakaris said, "everyone will be doing it soon... " yeah, a little schmaltzy of me to resort to peer pressure, but having studied Early Christianity extensively, I know for a fact that this is how you convert people and spread a religion....well that and lighting all the witches in the town on fire...

*********** # 63 **************
Iakaris said, "not my idea, but brilliant... " Ya see, I'm not a plagiarist after all. BigUps to the HammerPlayer to follow...I am noting in retrospect that I still manage to pay appropriate homage to my own intellect with that line...

*********** # 64 **************
Iakaris said, "its the all-in minus one chip...so you can continue to
harangue the table with annoying chat" I hadn't planned out my blurb ahead of time so my explanation is far less elegant than the Hoy itself, but it succeeded in advancing the dialogue...

*********** # 65 **************
This hand abweber raises preflop and then goes all-in (perhaps for the last time in his life...) post-flop. I fold my rags that I shouldn’t have called with.
Iakaris said, "nh, though you lose style points for not hoyazoing me"
abweber said, "preflop you mean?"
Iakaris said, "no, the all-in. shouldve been 534 not 535"
abweber said, "i see"
abweber said, "good point" You are reading a mind being stretched to a new dimension. Like a vagina, we all know it will never return to its original size without corrective surgery...
Iakaris said, "it gets around Stars killing the chat during the all-in"
Iakaris said, "brilliant and hilarious" does everyone else grok the Hoy as totally as I do? don't know, don't really care - you're talking to a missionary brotha! (an aside: why does everyone on Stars always assume I'm black the minute I use the phrase 'brotha'? Hasn't anyone seen School of Rock?)
Iakaris said, "the originator is a blogger" To the great credit of both of my opponents, neither made me explain what a blog was, so you betcha I was thanking God for that small mercy...

*********** # 67 **************
Iakaris said, "http://hoyazo.blogspot.com"
Iakaris said, "you will seriously laugh your *** off reading his stuff" No need to thank me for the enormous spike in traffic today Hoy, just doing my job as Defender of the Faith...

*********** # 74 **************
PokerStars Game #4986298916: Tournament #25017608, $20+$2 Hold'em No
Limit - Level VI (100/200) - 2006/05/19 - 16:55:47 (ET)
Table '25017608 1' 9-max Seat #7 is the button
Seat 2: SDotWrx (4630 in chips)
Seat 7: abweber (685 in chips)
Seat 9: Iakaris (8185 in chips)

abweber said, "this is for you Iak" you note the positvely Jedi/Paduan relationship has been brought all the way home...well all the way minus 1...
abweber: raises 484 to 684
Iakaris said, "okay i saved it for posterity...i'll send it to hoy today" not entirely true, but at the time I meant it...for all I know, Hoyazo thinks I'm totally fucking nuts for running with the Hoy as hard as I have...
Iakaris: folds
SDotWrx: calls 484
Iakaris said, "check his blog...you may find this screenshot there" About thirty seconds before I delete the Rosetta Stone of Hoyazos for good...
SDotWrx: checks
abweber: bets 1 and is all-in I know, I know...rookie move! I don't know why he did this...I blame myself for not cutting and pasting Hoy's whole post on The Hoy in the chatbox last hand...alas, "man's reach must exceed its grasp - else what's a Heaven for?"
SDotWrx: calls 1
Showdown: abweber collected 1470 from pot ...As promised, all actual poker play details deleted...but note the power of The Hoy, and SdotWrx's rock solid cool now begins to crumble...had abweber simply followed my lead, it would have been he who had the honor of being Hoy'd like Poi (thank you, thank you... came up with that on the spot) Heads Up.

*********** # 75 **************
Iakaris said, "beautiful...but i screwed up!" My turn for a rookie cookie, slack-jawed, navel lint/toe jam smelling bundoggy jumbo drop...
SDotWrx said, "i can't catch a break....nice hand" Doesn't sound too bad after getting 3-outered, but this guy played the entire 6 levels without the hint of a whine. One Hoy later, my man is rethinking his life choices and possibly his sexual orientation...FEAR THE HOY!
Iakaris said, "i got your result screenshot...and lost the Hoy!"Man, even now, my despair, my sense of inconsolable loss is as poignant as it was those many lonely hours ago...
__________________________________________________________


And there you have it friends. That has got to be the first time a non-blogging poker player ever:

A) Heard of The Hoy
B) Employed the Hoy (albiet imperfectly)
C) Delivered a vicious dominated beat with The Hoy

Sure it took me the better part of the day to chronicle this event. But twenty years from now, when the Hoy is routinely inflicted on unsuspecting online tilt monkeys [sons & daughters of Matusow, Hellmuth and Sheikhan - you are all offically on notice], and I am remembered as Hoyazo's Edwin Spencer (aka Darwin's Bulldog and not Princess Di's dad) it will all have been worth it.

Okay, gotta go. I too feel the call of the warrior calling me to battle. And my coffee is ready.

Identity Check.

"If you don't think about this stuff and do some of the math before you play, you'll get eaten by those who do." Sean Harnett (via Wes' post)

This one's gonna be a little tough for me. Feels like a confession.

No - I am not poker champ. [And if anyone wants to clue me in as to who is, that would almost entirely justify the money and time I've spent at the tables, and the creation of this blog. By writing style I'd guess Daddy, but I'd prefer enlightenment...]

On the note of money, I finally tried to do some bankroll math. I write tried because the process was limited by the idiotic and unnecessary absence of a denominator. Even the 15 year-old high school high rollers you meet online [see the last two pics of the 'Stars TLB leaders for further elucidation] know you need a number on the bottom to know what the fuck the number on the top means. Have you noticed I try not to slam anyone's play or refer to other people as Fish? That's rooted primarily in a strong dislike of hypocrisy.

After 6 months of play, I have no Excel file, no Poker Tracker, no Sharkscope. And truthfully I only have a limited idea of what I'd do with the last two, despite how readily available the answer to that question is. Skellington's posts have finally shamed me into facing the anomie that has me sidestepping the issue of how to actually improve. To the bookstore today, deep thoughts, better play to follow. Right?

Although division was out of the question, I was able to do some addition. I can draw a line from April 24th that tells me something about what I've been up to. That was the day I couldn't take it anymore, all the losses and the sense that I had no clue, and was never going to get one. I am just not wired to be able to live with a thought like that. And so I started this thing, to force me to look at what I'm doing, think about it a little, laugh at myself a lot, and perhaps open a dialogue with better players in order to inspire me. As far as that goes, the blog has been a complete (4/4) success in my eyes. It's gotten me reading more (blogs right now - there's some great stuff out there, as you know), thinking more (I'm sure Wes would dispute that after last week's WWdN) and enjoying the game more. Certainly the best part has been getting to meet the people who wander by and share their perspectives. I'm pretty close to my family and it amazes me how irritated I was that I was going to be late for my inaugural Mookie! Still chagrined my Accidental Tourist didn't hold up, but perhaps the two raises in front of me were a clue she wouldn't...

Enough dodging. The day I started this blog, I was down to $70 and change in my account. That I am sure about. I also felt sure if I burned through this money, I was done. I've mentioned before that by tracking my neteller payments I learned I had pumped $1246 into poker by this point. I was in a huge hole. The only reason I didn't feel like a total degenerate was that I looked at poker as entertainment, and because I'm not an extravagant guy, and make a good living, the loss wasn't felt in any meaningful financial way. It was just an incredible insult to my hubris.

An aside as a favor to any who read this: If you ever get the chance to play poker with doctors, jump at it. Like lawyers and investment guys, doctors make good money. Unlike lawyers and bankers, they tend to have little understanding about what money is, what things are worth, and how to protect/grow the money they have. In addition the job description tends to overinflate their sense of self-worth and abilities. To top it off, we must be the worst poker players per profession on the planet. I mean that. I kill at my home game (that should provide some context), but I will never post about those sorry excuses for poker tales because the thought that the same people who will operate on your loved one tomorrow have been definitively shown to have no impulse control, poor decision making skills and a fundamental push monkey mentality might make a few people weep. The suck-resuck is so common at this game its referred to as "taking 2 aspirin".

Okay, the numbers: By tallying the congratulatory emails from 'Stars since I started the Blog, I have been a winning player. Moving up and down SNG limits between 20+2 to 50+5, I won a total of $4,721, which is pretty good I think. Again I don't have a denominator to be really clear on what this means, but I can do some subtraction. My current balance this morning? $1, 132. Yep, through lousy/absent bankroll management I sent $3, 589 back out into the ether. I guess I can do some division after all. I have 23% of the money I made left in my account. Nonetheless, from I am +$1062 since 4/24 - which strikes me as a strong step in the direction of better poker. I know for sure I only got above my breakeven point ($1246) twice in the entire time (including last night before I pulled an 0-3 at 50+5, 6X35+3, 20+2), so I think I was donking off dough as I went along, under the conception of "you can't win 'em all" or something equally idiotic.

And that's my situation. I'm ambivalent about my status. I can win at SNGs sometimes. I can play tight/aggressive for short runs. I have been opting for the greater risk/greater reward per hour spent of the mid-range SNGs but am unsure if I'll continue in that vein. Is this current upswing all variance? The timing with the blog creation and an active effort to play better argue against that being the whole answer, but I guess the truth to that will unfold in the next few months...

What's most frustrating is that despite the fact I know exactly what situations I win most often in (mid-evening, showered, kids asleep or with the wife, reasonable day at work) I will frequently make the same 2 mistakes:

1. Play when I am too physically tired, which numbs me to acceptance of the idea of losing the buy-in in favor of going to sleep. Even I know just going to bed without signing on would be +EV.

2. Play when I feel bored by poker. I have a hunch I am consistently giving my last buy-in away, because I don't when enough is enough. This gets me wondering if I am becoming addicted to gambling, but like every good junkie, I just don't see this as the case. I am a 400 point scrabble player (no Paul Phillips, but well better than everyone I play with) and used to play chess with about the same "better than average, but not by much" aptitude. In all three games I have found the opportunity to compete and prove myself, which is something I think I'll always need in my life. At least, I hope that's what this is all about.

And of course my 2009 WSOP Main Event title run. Projected Field 43, 287. (Maine Event far likelier, but lets see...)

I am working on putting the details in an Excel file today so I can figure out where I'm most profitable. I would welcome any thoughts on any of this, and don't worry I have pretty thick skin so, as always, no need to stay the blade.

Icarus in images [A Completely Revised Post]

Jamie Haggerty, copyright 2001. All rights reserved.
jamieh@starvoltage.net

A few words about my online handle, as I have some time to wax mythological. As we all know, the story holds Icarus was the son of Daedulus, an architect, a poet. Daedalus assisted King Minos's daughter in thwarting Minos' plans to trap the king of Athens in the Labyrinth where the Minotaur would kill him. Not a good career move, considering Minos was his boss. Daedulus and Icarus were imprisoned in the maze themselves and meant to die there in due course. As we all know you can't keep a good man down for long, and Daedulus devised those fateful wings to escape the Labryrinth.

Of course, what he didn't count on was his son's fundamental disposition; reckless in a quintessentially human way. Despite clear explanation and understanding of the risks, despite being an athlete and scholar himself, Icarus lost his focus, gave free reign to his id and chose short term gratification over long-term goals. He pays dearly for his choices. How truly pathetic, yet undeniably relatable his situation is. His temptation seems to me to be our temptation, and I can bring myself to pity him, but not to judge him.

I see the flight of Icarus; his decisions, and the penalties he paid for them, in my struggle to play this dangerous game better, to live better, and to just be better. I have to believe that given another crack at it, Icarus would have made it home.

Sember Weinman, copyright 2001. All rights reserved.
semberlee@hotmail.com

In Absentia...Excelsius?

Well that was the unfortunate and unavoidable proof that my real life is getting in the way of my life as an online poker playing dilletante/debutante. Next on the list will have to be jettisoning the wife and kids, in order to really start my 9 circle descent in earnest. It's a damn shame too; she's a good girl - beautiful, engaging and accomplished - and the puddings have been fun too. But in truth, I am a simple, "no messing around" kind of guy, and today my schedule got seriously fubard by that the stickling inconvenience I am coming to think of as my old life. Yep, I too see an intervention looming in the near future, but that still gives me some time to make a run at the Main Event first.

Signed up for the Mookie days ago, primarily for a chance to actually hang with Bone Daddy and shoot the breeze for more than the 5 to -5 seconds I get at WWdN from when he greets me to when I exit. [That's no joke. My man is serious and admitted bad juju for me, see previous posts and his responses for proof positive!] As it turned out, I was just about as effective a player in my absence as I have been when actually looking at the cards I'm dealt and making considered decisions.

Think about that for a second.

With all the controversy about poker bots circulating these days, I am faced with the possibility that it's not a sophisticated piece of software I should worry about - I apparently can be replaced by any old marsupial trained to sit in my comfy leather chair and hit the fold button repeatedly for 45 minutes.

I seriously apologize if my absence slowed play down for any stuck at my table...I hope the computer sat me out , but it wasn't immediately clear to me if it did. If it didn't, it must have been pretty irritating to have to wait for me to time out. Again, apologies. I was driving back from visiting the sibs in Youngstown (probably have to get rid of the lot of them too) and just got out much later than I wanted to. I was going out of my skin on the way home too, which is kind of funny I think, but being the good dad I am (and having done a Emergency Medicine rotation in a Level 1 Trauma Center as a resident) I just can't bring myself to speed; the stakes are too high for me.

Actually my wife just got back from a conference in Vegas today, just prior to me whisking her off to Youngstown. First time she's ever been there. Now as for me, I have not made the pilgrimmage yet. Ever. In 35 years. Are you getting some sense how screwed up your life can get becoming a physician. All the things that really count can just slip by you. But no more. I'm planning a semi-retirement this summer and I am definitely going. Gotta lose my Vegas cherry before I hit the Main Event '09 (projected field of 43, 287).

Feeling every bit like Sisyphus, I shuttle 3 sleepy and somewhat corpulent toddlers from the slickest looking minivan you are likely to see ['06 Oddyssey Black on Black/Leather/DVD/Nav: If a minivan ever could be cool, this would be the one - but I acknowledge that a minivan just can't be cool. Except for the A-Team's - that bitch kicked ass!] , and drop them in bed fast as I can. I power up my 6 year-old Dell - a tool so slow that the letters lag behind my typing by about a word-and-a-half average. Yes, I agree the slow drive speed is likely related to the Terabyte of porn I've downloaded and deleted in the past five years, but there you have it.

I find myself with less than 500 little guys remaining from my original tribe. Where did you boys all go? Daddy was on the way, you were supposed to stay put. Blinds 75/150. M=3=me not long for tournament. But do I push first hand I see? Nope...I wait it out for all of two hands before I run into kings. I try hard to channel GRob from yesterday and push. No Aces, and they hold up. But I am rightly criticized for poor form for failing to execute a Hoyazo. That the critcism comes from no less than the HammerPlayer himself, who in addtion would have also been the victim is an irony worthy of a Cosmo Kramer tale sold to one J. Peterman.

500+ and who knows. I push again to raises with A7 suited; the Accidental Tourist, if you will. And so ends my tournament, about 7 minutes after I actually tried to play poker... Still it sounded like people are beginning to recognize my handle (likely as "live bait", but truly there is no bad publicity) and I appreciated the good wishes for the brief time I was there.

Epilogue:

Before I started writing tonight, I spent thirty minutes reading Don's and Carmen's blogs, and I have to say (remember I'm still relatively new at this), this is a fascinating way to meet people. To just walk in the door and start to learn from someone's considerable experience or share another's enthusiasms and anxieties out of the blue is pretty damn cool. I post my Life According to Me stuff on my other blog, so if you're curious, all are welcome there as well, but its very non-poker. And yep, I know I stole that concept from Pauly, but some consider imitation to be...well you know.

Cya out there.

In need of a defense at the WWdN...

Disclaimer: I am on a Research Elective and have ridiculous amounts of downtime. If brevity is what you're looking, look elsewhere friends, because this is already running away from me, and I haven't even gotten to the hands yet! But I'm having fun so I'm going to keep indulging myself.

So I played the WWdN (my poker alma mater) last night, and want to try recreating it from my perspective. I scribbled some notes - not a hand by hand (don't have the memory or speed for that) - but rather an attempt to follow the tangent I travelled through my 3 hours at the table. I'll steal a page out of Hoyazo's book and include a few screenshots.

[For any interested - my technique was to open a powerpoint presentation and make 20 blank slides. I'd Alt/Print Screen at what I hoped were interesting moments (translation: when I remembered) then switch to the slides and paste them as I went a long. When the game was over I made a new folder and saved each slide as a picture in that folder, then uploaded what I wanted. Don't know if that's how the master is doing it, but it worked for me. And yes, it's much harder to do than I thought it would be, because you have to take yourself out of the critical moments enough to remember to record the event for posterity - or posteriority, depending on the play.]

I'll begin with the summary to spare you any faux suspense: still nowhere near a final table [control your shock], but once again hung around to the teens - this time out on a coinflip I started from behind and remained as such (KJs vs 88) to GRob, who went on a vicious tear right after swearing he was "sleeeeepy" and would be all-in until all-out (must try that down the road).

Anyway, I've played this tournament 5 or 6 times since January, and I don't recall ever playing at Wil's table. Statistically you'd think it would've happened by now, but no. However, this time I did get the cool surprise of sitting to the right (of course) of the good doctor. Shall I comment on the illusory but irresistable pull of fame that has me referring to a writer by a title I had to sacrifice a big chunk of my twenties (and a fair bit of dough) to achieve for myself? Nope - I grew up on Hunter Thompson, and if anyone else has a better right to that mantle I have yet to encounter them. [Anyone murmuring P.J. O' Rourke needs to get out more] What the Doctor really needs is his own Ralph Steadman...

It goes without saying that anyone reading this should feel free to critique my play. I have three simple goals for this blog:

1. Work out my writer's muscles (much maligned and neglected these last 8 years) in anticipation of cranking out a novel this year, and hopefully entertain any passersby. I'm shooting for an experience appealing to a trainwreck fetishist, but we'll see.

2. Record my thought process for my own analysis, that I might better understand and master my motivations and, in doing so, learn to make better decisions.

3. Create an opportunity to learn from players with more experience and skill than I currently possess. And perhaps inspire me to actually do some homework.

On with the show:

The first scribble i made in my most untrusty notebook:

Great start - they all folded to my pocket Kings [I indulged my paranoia and wondered
how they just knew...] This was to become a recurrent theme.

I (try to) begin with a little aggressive pre- and post-flop play, taking some chances while there's time to recover if I mis-step. For a while I build a little momentum. I even raised everyone out with the Nerf, which for idiosyncratic reasons I much prefer to its unsuited big brother.

The chat is lively as everyone seems to know everyone, and is pretty happy to be there. The irony that they'll soon settle down to sharpened steel and set out to eat one another is not lost on me. The fact that I am an unknown allows me to interact, but to concentrate on not becoming the one eaten. Or so I think.

After about a half hour of play I feel that unmistakable gravitational axis shift - where the table is no longer looking to give me credit for a decent hand, and slowly each heads-up flop incurs reraises that will put my stack on the line, or at least in serious jeapordy. Yes I'll allow I may not be the best judge of the reality of those moment-to-moment assessments, but that's how they felt as they unfolded.

I settle into the unhappy habit of folding to these reraises with my decent but breakable hands. I am sure the table image I have is of someone confused, and bullyable - but on the bright side I am still hanging in there. And I am sticking with religious fervor to 3BB raises, whether it I'm looking at KK, AQ or 9Ts or Slackers: 22. The hope is I'll see a monster reraise to me when I'm holding the goods and finally pull the trigger. On that note, is it a testament to timing that I didn't do better than I did? Most people complain about being card dead in these tourneys. I didn't have that problem last night. Instead I had KK, AA and KK folded to me. Until I didn't and I'll show that hand momentarily. I also was dealt AKs/o 3 times, AQs twice and AQo ("the new Hammer", as someone pithily noted during a hand) thrice. Am I way off here, or was that an out-of-proportion amount of painty goodness? And still - 18/68...sheesh!

An hour into the game and the tone is different, it has changed as it always does by this point: the camaraderie is on hold and almost no at the table is talking, though the occasional sojourner stops by to offer commentary and their unique take on things. Its mostly open, raise, re-raise and a slew of folds to a heads up flop and some difficult decisions. For my part I've been slapped around and am down from a high of 2000 to 800+, so am waiting and praying for deus ex machina to employ itself and save me.

My luck turns for the better when I deliver an unrepentent and decidedly ugly beat on the river. I see A4c and am feeling somewhat despondent. "How good a hand is this?" I muse, "And after all my odd moves, what if any hand will they put me on? Can I sell kings?" I decide to push and the answer to that little riddle turns out to be a resounding "No." I am called by AJo and am revealed - if doubt there was any - as someone with a distinctive and flavourful death wish. But St. Jude looked down and smiled. The flop met us with 2 clubs and suddenly I felt hopeful. A turned ace set the knives to me, but the river yields a 4. mmmmmm.....My opponent took it like a pro. And as usual I felt worse about winning than I would've about losing that hand. And that reminds me: is it still a bad beat story if you're the one delivering said beat. There needs to be a phrase to delineate this alternative. A screwdriver? Yep, I like that enough for now.

I thought I caught a break when Pauly got bounced before me, calling his opponent a Tourist on the way out, but without much malice. My relief that Pauly was no longer to my immediate left was brief, because GRob moved in and began to pound my 3BB's with some monster reraises. Take a look below.



Can you call that? Should I have even tried the raise - it was folded around to me in LP, but yeah, I know this hand is so bad its got its own aforementioned nickname. I folded, and it really inspired GRob to make me his personal secretary, just daring me to step out of line. A small but fleeting revenge occurred before the break when my ATs found matches on the flop and his aggressive but not all-in raises smelled of the Hammer. He tried to send me all-in, but when I called and he would have needed just 240 more for the a chance to see it through, he gracefully folded and we adjourned. With me still alive and with some plausible chance of keeping this thing on track.

After break I had my first sortie with Pocket Jakes. Play was folded to me in late position. I raised with my AQo looking to do some damage, and having been pushed around my last few raises, I admit I may have had a chip on my shoulder. The SB, Boobie Lover (aren't we all, really?) reraised me bigtime... and he had been playing selectively for the last few orbits. Its possible thats AA or AK sitting over there, which would not be good. But this is WWdN, its also possible its another Hammer Play, and this may be the last set of good cards I see. I could afford the call without crippling my stack, so I did. A and Q both say hello. Before I can even mull that over he pushes all-in. well AA, QQ, 88 would have me dead to rights. With anything else I look good. At this point, I feel I have to call (if not to this flop, what was I looking for when I called?). Results below.



I liked the fact that he calmly asked me, "What hands did you think you could beat when you called that pre=flop reraise?" Someone wittily opined "Jacks!" which made me smile, but I couldn't deny the logic of the question. This is where another wit observed "AQ is the New Hammer", which also made me smile. The call on the flop I think was a must...but the call pre-flop is certainly debatable and by better poker brains than mine. Would I have called an all-in pre-flop? I doubt it. But that reraise was tantalizing, in my reach, and it wasn't as though I was in a terrible starting position. Potentially dominated, but on the other hand, did I believe he had the goods. All I can say is it wouldn't have surprised me if I lost, but I don't think this was the heart of donkey-hood. And it did propel me to the top (albiet briefly), which you betcha I found time to screen capture.

The heart of donkey hood occurrs here, when I promptly fell apart on this hand. Stupidly ignoring Gillain's raise and foolishly continuation betting this very unattractive flop, I ended up doubling him up.

And yes....Dems Quads Beetches.
Indeed.

Jung would call it synchronicity that the hand that briefly made me and the one that did me (mostly) in was the same and in fact dealt from the same position. Again, I would posit there is justice, plenty of it, in poker, most people are just looking for it on the wrong hands. Somehow, I managed not kill myself off on that hand. Put another way, Gillain just didn't have enough of his own to take all of mine. And so I trundled on until these babies found me. Every time I see meet these guys, two aligned but contrary thoughts go through my head.
"Now these are people I can do business with."
"This is a good hand to broke with."
Having watched my stack steadily dwindle from its high water mark, I was ready to say goodnight if I had to.



But it wasn't to be. Either way. StB turned up the black kings and we chopped GRobs donation to the point, both of us grumbling about missed opportunities. And that was pretty much it for me. The blinds were lethal at that point, so too late I went into high agression mode. I caught KJs and she went down without a fight to GRob's 88s. 3 hours, and no real improvement from last week. In retrospect, I think I got into too many hands when I had the lead, surrendering several 3BB to monster reraises...hand selection got away from me, and the table punished me when I tried to limp. I hope Wes makes his way over here some day, cause I'd like his take on that hand too. In all, I have a blast playing that game, and still aspire to take it down at some point down the road. Ah well, there's always the Mookie tonight to cut more teeth on.

And this is poker in a nutshell. 3 hours 68 players, finish well back of glory. 90 minutes or so on a 6X33 right after the game and the facts speak for themselves.



Still - no question which is more fun. Still positive, but barely, for the year. I'm keeping track as of right now.

In praise of [my] mediocrity...

It has happened.

After playing numerous [see previous posts on my lack of specifics] SNGs the month of May, whilst actually making an effort to understand and tame my self-destructive/masochistic tendencies, I reached the Zero Hour.

I have officially returned to dollar one. I took some time today and did a little math.

After a $1246 Oddyssey - complete with sirens, the occasional one-eyed bandit, a girl named Calypso, and sundry other villains and nobles, I found the shores of Ithaca. There are, no doubt, easier ways to learn the basics of NLHE, but this 6 month money pit has been interesting to say the least. For the first time in recent memory I have been repeatedly in situations where all kinds of people - perfect strangers - took every opportunity to point out what an idiot I am. I have been called every possible permutation of animal porn fetishist you can imagine in these travels. It has been humbling and useful to have developed a hobby where I am not someone deferred to or looked to for wisdom, but instead looked to and counted on for +EV and poor decision making. Its actually fun to be the person without a clue, and often without a chance. No expectations (including my own) = No pressure to perform, which for me is a welcome enough change from reality that it could keep me playing poker for the rest of my life.

Nonetheless, I must have improved somewhat because this afternoon (what a degenerate - gambling on Mothers Day!] I placed 2nd in a 6X33 and made it officially back to $In=$Out. Well except for the hundreds of manhours spent spinning in this giant circle, time I probably shouldve been spending with any or all of my 3 kids...And of course allowing that variance might mean I'm still as terrible as I ever was...

Food for thought, but for now I smile and celebrate the simplicity and insanity of nothing accomplished, but nothing owed.

Horatio Alger once noted success is just around the corner, and who am I to argue with that.

I make $225 and then lose $11 - guess which was more fun?

Interesting lines can be drawn through the arc of any random encounter between strangers. Last night I had both good luck and bad luck, and now feel that on the balance I am better equipped to handle losing unluckily than winning when I don't deserve to. That's the kind of thing that only a game like poker can teach a person about themselves. I have been burnt a few times (quite badly early on...less so these days), but I have never truly known tilt. I have sucked out enough times to know that I am not one of these guys who feels relieved or needs to tell people they called because they "just knew" a Magic 9 was on the way. I tend to feel like I just got away with lying to a friend - on some level I find myself thinking "okay...but now you're an illegitimate asshole". The only solace I take from having played a lot of poker since the last post is this: on some level we're all illegitimate assholes.

Yesterday, I started a $50+5 SNG in the early evening having forgotten I had already signed for this week's WWDN tourney. It turned out they coalesced near perfectly and for a few moments I existed in a heady superposition of states: the table master with a 4:1 chip advantage heads up and a total (if undeserved) confidence I could read my opponents mind; the poker newb at a table full of people who's handles I recognized instantly from reading their blogs in my downtime between cases. (I will never forget accidentally ending up in a 6 handed SNG with BadBlood and playing the worst poker of my life, which is really saying something - I recently read the good doctor opine that high profile poker bloggers have turned themselves into targets. There's a flipside to that where those of us who read their blogs regularly find themselves intimidated at the table.) I felt powerful and hopelessly outclassed at the exact same moment, and the sensation was enough to make me smile wanly. Or LOL, if you're wired that way.

In victory at the SNG table I reinforced two ideas I have been hacking out of the dense shrubs that pass for My Game. I seem to play my best, whatever that may be, at the $30+3 full ring SNG's. At $50+5 I don't think I'm having fun unless I'm getting lucky, and the more I learn, the less satisfying it is to win from behind...I'll take the win, don't get me wrong, it just doesn't feel good. This game was no exception, I sucked out twice (not horribly either time...but twice for my entire stack both times) and became the defacto table boss, utilizing the escalating blinds to force out the last two players. Although I said I felt powerful as I closed in on the win, it was tempered with the knowledge of how illusory that power was. Sort of unearned, undeserved. But it was good for the "bankroll". I have yet to break even on poker - I'm down 6 or 7C since I started late last year, but have been steadily positive for a month or so. Need more specifics? yeah I'd like to give 'em to you, but in the absence of pokertracker or the initiative to right stuff down, this is what passes for my poker math currently. res ipsa loquitor.

But now a quick bit about the WWDNs. I loathed Wesley Crusher for my years of hardcore trekkering - but I concede Wil's point that those of us who violently disliked Wesley may have felt he held too true a mirror up to us at a time when we couldn't deal with it. Can't remember how I found WWDN, but its undeniable I came to Pokerstars directly from Wil's posts on it, and with a nod to Moneymaker/Farha on ESPN - [does anyone else still wish Sammy had called that bluff?] I had played the WWDNs early on and done poorly (felt good about finishing in the top half or so a few times - talk about low expectations...) but yesterday I played the tourney and some strange things happened.

In a hand against Hoyazo, who I read regularly at work, I gave indication pre-flop that I was locked, loaded and ready to fire bullets. He raised 500 to a flop that would have had to have given him a set in order for me to pack it in. Not buying it, [or more truthfully, just not wanting to buy it] I pushed to a re-raise of 600+ back at him. He waited, and I thought," he doesn't know me from Adam, I haven't played one of these in months, and I don't have a blog he would read, so there's no way he calls without a set." But call the all-in he did.

And then very calmly in the text box pointed out he meant to fold and hit the wrong button.

Now I've done that twice in very costly situations so I know it happens. The next two streets left him homeless and down to 300+ in chips. Man was he cool about it when many would have been on full Matusowian tilt. But the upshot of that hand was that it totally changed how I felt about the tournament. As odd as it sounds, it took away the fun implicit in a tournament where 72 o is considered a weapon to be swung like a rusty mace into the face of the guy 3BBing you from early position.

That "win" was a decent play on my part - which even without Hoyazo's call would have put me up substantially - but it became tainted in my head by the 600 or so that I didn't fairly deserve in any way or form. And yet it helped propel me into the top 10 where I stayed for a fair bit of the evening. When I finally got it all-in on a hard river push cradling KJ with a K at the flop, but also with two monster raises aimed at me on the flop and turn, I knew I was in trouble. I thought that my pot-committing reraise on the turn should push out anyone on a draw, but in retrospect I'll need to mull that over. All looked great when he called and showed he was indeed drawing to a straight. I'd finish the picture but that would be a cardinal violation of the unspoken poker blogger code. Suffice it to say, I felt content to end up where you can see I did. 19/78 = not entirely horrible. I simply didn't deserve to win, and so I didn't. I take some small comfort in finding what many have lamented the absence of on TV and blogs the world over: justice in poker. Texas Justice.

By the way, Bone Daddy, should you ever find your way to this blog: I appreciated the good wishes literally five seconds before I got sent home. Always good to see you at the table or the rail. The only other question I have is, "Wherefore the mighty PastaMancer?". Ah well time enough for unsolved mysteries tomorrow.