Identity Check.
"If you don't think about this stuff and do some of the math before you play, you'll get eaten by those who do." Sean Harnett (via Wes' post)
This one's gonna be a little tough for me. Feels like a confession.
No - I am not poker champ. [And if anyone wants to clue me in as to who is, that would almost entirely justify the money and time I've spent at the tables, and the creation of this blog. By writing style I'd guess Daddy, but I'd prefer enlightenment...]
On the note of money, I finally tried to do some bankroll math. I write tried because the process was limited by the idiotic and unnecessary absence of a denominator. Even the 15 year-old high school high rollers you meet online [see the last two pics of the 'Stars TLB leaders for further elucidation] know you need a number on the bottom to know what the fuck the number on the top means. Have you noticed I try not to slam anyone's play or refer to other people as Fish? That's rooted primarily in a strong dislike of hypocrisy.
After 6 months of play, I have no Excel file, no Poker Tracker, no Sharkscope. And truthfully I only have a limited idea of what I'd do with the last two, despite how readily available the answer to that question is. Skellington's posts have finally shamed me into facing the anomie that has me sidestepping the issue of how to actually improve. To the bookstore today, deep thoughts, better play to follow. Right?
Although division was out of the question, I was able to do some addition. I can draw a line from April 24th that tells me something about what I've been up to. That was the day I couldn't take it anymore, all the losses and the sense that I had no clue, and was never going to get one. I am just not wired to be able to live with a thought like that. And so I started this thing, to force me to look at what I'm doing, think about it a little, laugh at myself a lot, and perhaps open a dialogue with better players in order to inspire me. As far as that goes, the blog has been a complete (4/4) success in my eyes. It's gotten me reading more (blogs right now - there's some great stuff out there, as you know), thinking more (I'm sure Wes would dispute that after last week's WWdN) and enjoying the game more. Certainly the best part has been getting to meet the people who wander by and share their perspectives. I'm pretty close to my family and it amazes me how irritated I was that I was going to be late for my inaugural Mookie! Still chagrined my Accidental Tourist didn't hold up, but perhaps the two raises in front of me were a clue she wouldn't...
Enough dodging. The day I started this blog, I was down to $70 and change in my account. That I am sure about. I also felt sure if I burned through this money, I was done. I've mentioned before that by tracking my neteller payments I learned I had pumped $1246 into poker by this point. I was in a huge hole. The only reason I didn't feel like a total degenerate was that I looked at poker as entertainment, and because I'm not an extravagant guy, and make a good living, the loss wasn't felt in any meaningful financial way. It was just an incredible insult to my hubris.
An aside as a favor to any who read this: If you ever get the chance to play poker with doctors, jump at it. Like lawyers and investment guys, doctors make good money. Unlike lawyers and bankers, they tend to have little understanding about what money is, what things are worth, and how to protect/grow the money they have. In addition the job description tends to overinflate their sense of self-worth and abilities. To top it off, we must be the worst poker players per profession on the planet. I mean that. I kill at my home game (that should provide some context), but I will never post about those sorry excuses for poker tales because the thought that the same people who will operate on your loved one tomorrow have been definitively shown to have no impulse control, poor decision making skills and a fundamental push monkey mentality might make a few people weep. The suck-resuck is so common at this game its referred to as "taking 2 aspirin".
Okay, the numbers: By tallying the congratulatory emails from 'Stars since I started the Blog, I have been a winning player. Moving up and down SNG limits between 20+2 to 50+5, I won a total of $4,721, which is pretty good I think. Again I don't have a denominator to be really clear on what this means, but I can do some subtraction. My current balance this morning? $1, 132. Yep, through lousy/absent bankroll management I sent $3, 589 back out into the ether. I guess I can do some division after all. I have 23% of the money I made left in my account. Nonetheless, from I am +$1062 since 4/24 - which strikes me as a strong step in the direction of better poker. I know for sure I only got above my breakeven point ($1246) twice in the entire time (including last night before I pulled an 0-3 at 50+5, 6X35+3, 20+2), so I think I was donking off dough as I went along, under the conception of "you can't win 'em all" or something equally idiotic.
And that's my situation. I'm ambivalent about my status. I can win at SNGs sometimes. I can play tight/aggressive for short runs. I have been opting for the greater risk/greater reward per hour spent of the mid-range SNGs but am unsure if I'll continue in that vein. Is this current upswing all variance? The timing with the blog creation and an active effort to play better argue against that being the whole answer, but I guess the truth to that will unfold in the next few months...
What's most frustrating is that despite the fact I know exactly what situations I win most often in (mid-evening, showered, kids asleep or with the wife, reasonable day at work) I will frequently make the same 2 mistakes:
1. Play when I am too physically tired, which numbs me to acceptance of the idea of losing the buy-in in favor of going to sleep. Even I know just going to bed without signing on would be +EV.
2. Play when I feel bored by poker. I have a hunch I am consistently giving my last buy-in away, because I don't when enough is enough. This gets me wondering if I am becoming addicted to gambling, but like every good junkie, I just don't see this as the case. I am a 400 point scrabble player (no Paul Phillips, but well better than everyone I play with) and used to play chess with about the same "better than average, but not by much" aptitude. In all three games I have found the opportunity to compete and prove myself, which is something I think I'll always need in my life. At least, I hope that's what this is all about.
And of course my 2009 WSOP Main Event title run. Projected Field 43, 287. (Maine Event far likelier, but lets see...)
I am working on putting the details in an Excel file today so I can figure out where I'm most profitable. I would welcome any thoughts on any of this, and don't worry I have pretty thick skin so, as always, no need to stay the blade.
This one's gonna be a little tough for me. Feels like a confession.
No - I am not poker champ. [And if anyone wants to clue me in as to who is, that would almost entirely justify the money and time I've spent at the tables, and the creation of this blog. By writing style I'd guess Daddy, but I'd prefer enlightenment...]
On the note of money, I finally tried to do some bankroll math. I write tried because the process was limited by the idiotic and unnecessary absence of a denominator. Even the 15 year-old high school high rollers you meet online [see the last two pics of the 'Stars TLB leaders for further elucidation] know you need a number on the bottom to know what the fuck the number on the top means. Have you noticed I try not to slam anyone's play or refer to other people as Fish? That's rooted primarily in a strong dislike of hypocrisy.
After 6 months of play, I have no Excel file, no Poker Tracker, no Sharkscope. And truthfully I only have a limited idea of what I'd do with the last two, despite how readily available the answer to that question is. Skellington's posts have finally shamed me into facing the anomie that has me sidestepping the issue of how to actually improve. To the bookstore today, deep thoughts, better play to follow. Right?
Although division was out of the question, I was able to do some addition. I can draw a line from April 24th that tells me something about what I've been up to. That was the day I couldn't take it anymore, all the losses and the sense that I had no clue, and was never going to get one. I am just not wired to be able to live with a thought like that. And so I started this thing, to force me to look at what I'm doing, think about it a little, laugh at myself a lot, and perhaps open a dialogue with better players in order to inspire me. As far as that goes, the blog has been a complete (4/4) success in my eyes. It's gotten me reading more (blogs right now - there's some great stuff out there, as you know), thinking more (I'm sure Wes would dispute that after last week's WWdN) and enjoying the game more. Certainly the best part has been getting to meet the people who wander by and share their perspectives. I'm pretty close to my family and it amazes me how irritated I was that I was going to be late for my inaugural Mookie! Still chagrined my Accidental Tourist didn't hold up, but perhaps the two raises in front of me were a clue she wouldn't...
Enough dodging. The day I started this blog, I was down to $70 and change in my account. That I am sure about. I also felt sure if I burned through this money, I was done. I've mentioned before that by tracking my neteller payments I learned I had pumped $1246 into poker by this point. I was in a huge hole. The only reason I didn't feel like a total degenerate was that I looked at poker as entertainment, and because I'm not an extravagant guy, and make a good living, the loss wasn't felt in any meaningful financial way. It was just an incredible insult to my hubris.
An aside as a favor to any who read this: If you ever get the chance to play poker with doctors, jump at it. Like lawyers and investment guys, doctors make good money. Unlike lawyers and bankers, they tend to have little understanding about what money is, what things are worth, and how to protect/grow the money they have. In addition the job description tends to overinflate their sense of self-worth and abilities. To top it off, we must be the worst poker players per profession on the planet. I mean that. I kill at my home game (that should provide some context), but I will never post about those sorry excuses for poker tales because the thought that the same people who will operate on your loved one tomorrow have been definitively shown to have no impulse control, poor decision making skills and a fundamental push monkey mentality might make a few people weep. The suck-resuck is so common at this game its referred to as "taking 2 aspirin".
Okay, the numbers: By tallying the congratulatory emails from 'Stars since I started the Blog, I have been a winning player. Moving up and down SNG limits between 20+2 to 50+5, I won a total of $4,721, which is pretty good I think. Again I don't have a denominator to be really clear on what this means, but I can do some subtraction. My current balance this morning? $1, 132. Yep, through lousy/absent bankroll management I sent $3, 589 back out into the ether. I guess I can do some division after all. I have 23% of the money I made left in my account. Nonetheless, from I am +$1062 since 4/24 - which strikes me as a strong step in the direction of better poker. I know for sure I only got above my breakeven point ($1246) twice in the entire time (including last night before I pulled an 0-3 at 50+5, 6X35+3, 20+2), so I think I was donking off dough as I went along, under the conception of "you can't win 'em all" or something equally idiotic.
And that's my situation. I'm ambivalent about my status. I can win at SNGs sometimes. I can play tight/aggressive for short runs. I have been opting for the greater risk/greater reward per hour spent of the mid-range SNGs but am unsure if I'll continue in that vein. Is this current upswing all variance? The timing with the blog creation and an active effort to play better argue against that being the whole answer, but I guess the truth to that will unfold in the next few months...
What's most frustrating is that despite the fact I know exactly what situations I win most often in (mid-evening, showered, kids asleep or with the wife, reasonable day at work) I will frequently make the same 2 mistakes:
1. Play when I am too physically tired, which numbs me to acceptance of the idea of losing the buy-in in favor of going to sleep. Even I know just going to bed without signing on would be +EV.
2. Play when I feel bored by poker. I have a hunch I am consistently giving my last buy-in away, because I don't when enough is enough. This gets me wondering if I am becoming addicted to gambling, but like every good junkie, I just don't see this as the case. I am a 400 point scrabble player (no Paul Phillips, but well better than everyone I play with) and used to play chess with about the same "better than average, but not by much" aptitude. In all three games I have found the opportunity to compete and prove myself, which is something I think I'll always need in my life. At least, I hope that's what this is all about.
And of course my 2009 WSOP Main Event title run. Projected Field 43, 287. (Maine Event far likelier, but lets see...)
I am working on putting the details in an Excel file today so I can figure out where I'm most profitable. I would welcome any thoughts on any of this, and don't worry I have pretty thick skin so, as always, no need to stay the blade.
posted by Iakaris aka I.A.K. at 10:27 AM
3 Comments:
Outstanding Post as always. I love your style and honesty.
All the skills you need to succeed at poker you possess evident by your chosen profession.
Get in the books. Read multiple theory books then re-read them. Not just to pass the test then forget the material but to be able to put the theory to practical use.
Read a book about bankroll management, it will help tremendously. I like this is very important in poker and yes in life.
Mix in some reads like Zen of Poker, Tao of Poker, Psychology of Poker they truly help with discipline and mind set.
I usually have four books going at once, two new, two re-reads kind of like a light 12 hour semester.
Find the games that are most suited to you. Some prefer SnGs, some MTTs, some cash games... find your strengths.
Discipline, patience, and hand selection are my keys.
Don,
Seriously, if nothing else came of this blog, this one reply would have made it total +EV for me.
Thanks for stopping by and thanks for the advice, Borders is the top of my list tomorrow, but now I know what I'm looking for.
See ya Tuesday
I'll just pass along don's sentiments and say that this was truly a great post.
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