I make $225 and then lose $11 - guess which was more fun?

Interesting lines can be drawn through the arc of any random encounter between strangers. Last night I had both good luck and bad luck, and now feel that on the balance I am better equipped to handle losing unluckily than winning when I don't deserve to. That's the kind of thing that only a game like poker can teach a person about themselves. I have been burnt a few times (quite badly early on...less so these days), but I have never truly known tilt. I have sucked out enough times to know that I am not one of these guys who feels relieved or needs to tell people they called because they "just knew" a Magic 9 was on the way. I tend to feel like I just got away with lying to a friend - on some level I find myself thinking "okay...but now you're an illegitimate asshole". The only solace I take from having played a lot of poker since the last post is this: on some level we're all illegitimate assholes.

Yesterday, I started a $50+5 SNG in the early evening having forgotten I had already signed for this week's WWDN tourney. It turned out they coalesced near perfectly and for a few moments I existed in a heady superposition of states: the table master with a 4:1 chip advantage heads up and a total (if undeserved) confidence I could read my opponents mind; the poker newb at a table full of people who's handles I recognized instantly from reading their blogs in my downtime between cases. (I will never forget accidentally ending up in a 6 handed SNG with BadBlood and playing the worst poker of my life, which is really saying something - I recently read the good doctor opine that high profile poker bloggers have turned themselves into targets. There's a flipside to that where those of us who read their blogs regularly find themselves intimidated at the table.) I felt powerful and hopelessly outclassed at the exact same moment, and the sensation was enough to make me smile wanly. Or LOL, if you're wired that way.

In victory at the SNG table I reinforced two ideas I have been hacking out of the dense shrubs that pass for My Game. I seem to play my best, whatever that may be, at the $30+3 full ring SNG's. At $50+5 I don't think I'm having fun unless I'm getting lucky, and the more I learn, the less satisfying it is to win from behind...I'll take the win, don't get me wrong, it just doesn't feel good. This game was no exception, I sucked out twice (not horribly either time...but twice for my entire stack both times) and became the defacto table boss, utilizing the escalating blinds to force out the last two players. Although I said I felt powerful as I closed in on the win, it was tempered with the knowledge of how illusory that power was. Sort of unearned, undeserved. But it was good for the "bankroll". I have yet to break even on poker - I'm down 6 or 7C since I started late last year, but have been steadily positive for a month or so. Need more specifics? yeah I'd like to give 'em to you, but in the absence of pokertracker or the initiative to right stuff down, this is what passes for my poker math currently. res ipsa loquitor.

But now a quick bit about the WWDNs. I loathed Wesley Crusher for my years of hardcore trekkering - but I concede Wil's point that those of us who violently disliked Wesley may have felt he held too true a mirror up to us at a time when we couldn't deal with it. Can't remember how I found WWDN, but its undeniable I came to Pokerstars directly from Wil's posts on it, and with a nod to Moneymaker/Farha on ESPN - [does anyone else still wish Sammy had called that bluff?] I had played the WWDNs early on and done poorly (felt good about finishing in the top half or so a few times - talk about low expectations...) but yesterday I played the tourney and some strange things happened.

In a hand against Hoyazo, who I read regularly at work, I gave indication pre-flop that I was locked, loaded and ready to fire bullets. He raised 500 to a flop that would have had to have given him a set in order for me to pack it in. Not buying it, [or more truthfully, just not wanting to buy it] I pushed to a re-raise of 600+ back at him. He waited, and I thought," he doesn't know me from Adam, I haven't played one of these in months, and I don't have a blog he would read, so there's no way he calls without a set." But call the all-in he did.

And then very calmly in the text box pointed out he meant to fold and hit the wrong button.

Now I've done that twice in very costly situations so I know it happens. The next two streets left him homeless and down to 300+ in chips. Man was he cool about it when many would have been on full Matusowian tilt. But the upshot of that hand was that it totally changed how I felt about the tournament. As odd as it sounds, it took away the fun implicit in a tournament where 72 o is considered a weapon to be swung like a rusty mace into the face of the guy 3BBing you from early position.

That "win" was a decent play on my part - which even without Hoyazo's call would have put me up substantially - but it became tainted in my head by the 600 or so that I didn't fairly deserve in any way or form. And yet it helped propel me into the top 10 where I stayed for a fair bit of the evening. When I finally got it all-in on a hard river push cradling KJ with a K at the flop, but also with two monster raises aimed at me on the flop and turn, I knew I was in trouble. I thought that my pot-committing reraise on the turn should push out anyone on a draw, but in retrospect I'll need to mull that over. All looked great when he called and showed he was indeed drawing to a straight. I'd finish the picture but that would be a cardinal violation of the unspoken poker blogger code. Suffice it to say, I felt content to end up where you can see I did. 19/78 = not entirely horrible. I simply didn't deserve to win, and so I didn't. I take some small comfort in finding what many have lamented the absence of on TV and blogs the world over: justice in poker. Texas Justice.

By the way, Bone Daddy, should you ever find your way to this blog: I appreciated the good wishes literally five seconds before I got sent home. Always good to see you at the table or the rail. The only other question I have is, "Wherefore the mighty PastaMancer?". Ah well time enough for unsolved mysteries tomorrow.