Easter and other Ressurections…aka Running very Poorly but optimistic by default…aka The Once & Future Blog

In my defense, silence may not be informative but it’s not necessarily the hallmark of a complacent mind. It’s true I’ve been experiencing an inability to complete even a few paragraphs without tremendous effort and that has resulted in me not wanting me to do this thing that is usually a source of genuine satisfaction. The hedgehog would translate that as: I have had writer’s block. A more accurate description would be: I have been feeling lazy mentally and physically for a long time.

Still. There has been a fair bit on my mind. For one thing, I have been running terribly and it has warped my brain and my game into a spot where I am not sure which way is up. I am donking it up huge or running supercold or both at the same time. It’s great to read Hoy [TWO bracelet races won is pretty ridiculous anyway ya look at it], and the usual suspects tearing it up, because it has not been happening for me at all. Yes I have been coolered fierce and had aces cracked coming up on the money three times in the last week. But without a doubt, this is not the A game [yeah, yeah Waffles, I know you hotly dispute the existence of an A game]. Speaking frankly I sometimes kick myself for removing more than 10k right before the Neteller fiasco. I had never gone more than 600 bucks in buy-ins without an MTT score that more than justified the expenditure and grew the roll. To be blunt this current streak is getting close to a crisis point. The roll to buy-in ratio is still workable and even somewhat artificial (although the hassle of getting money back onto FT might turn me off online poker altogether) but it will be interesting next few months. No score there and I will be facing a decision I haven’t had to even mull over in about a year.

But I still believe this will work itself out and maybe even in time for June, because I am definitely down there that first week to give it a shot or two. No ME this year I think barring a late inning miracle, but at least one and probably two of those first few events look like a go. I was going to get down there earlier but since everyone is rolling in towards the end of that week I’ll follow suit and save those vacation days for later. NYC is next up next week and I am looking forward to a break of sorts (still have to take a prep course for my upcoming EP boards this November, but will make time for the good stuff).

Anyhoo…returning to the note of actually writing, I have decided to hold myself to some kind of commitment. With no originality, I have decided to write here every weekday for the next thirty days. This will work I think because I actually have several things I want to express since it’s been a dense three weeks emotionally. For example I just came to the painful realization I’m ghey…I thought telling my wife would be the hardest part, but she knows I have a pokerblog so has been assuming I’m very, very ghey for the last 12 months. I have also started writing fiction again for the first time in a long, long time (very teen angsty/coming of age shit I am going to sell to UPN), so maybe this is the end of a variety of dry spells.

I list (primarily for my own benefit, and of course for your ancillary titillation) the blurbs I intend to generate over the next few days.

Toronto and the Center-Seeking Force (55 gets credit for getting that one to lift-off)
On the Death of Sweet Lou Rakita
My parents' 40th Anniversary
Learning of the Death of Kurt Vonnegut while Recalling the Death of Carl Sagan
The [de]construction of my new house and life
Separation from The Family and the Anomie it Entails
I am about to become a Cable TV star. Is he having a laugh?! [Full style points for anyone who gets that one.]
The As-Yet Unengaged Battle to Exercise, Eat Right (and other dreams 0f once-known Glory)

In addition and again for my own benefit primarily (but very possibly for your amusement) I will be putting down whether I worked out and ate right. It’s about time the MWGB got back to work for me. I want to be back at my ideal weight and in a regular workout regimen by the end of the summer. Make it so. I also need a big MTT score pronto. And I’d like to stop playing like a jackass. Make those so too.

MTF.