Inevitabilities and not unpleasant incongruities.

Thanks.

This pitstop still makes me feel better. It's still surprising to find my neighbours haven't moved. Nice, that.

Wish I could just put a post up saying the cath was clean and everything is cool - wrap it up like an afterschool special. Unfortunately these situations in real-life get complicated quickly. My father's cath demonstrated no danger to his prior stents, but he has progression of lesions in smaller non-fixable arteries.

So as I said, it's complicated. Too well for bypass surgery, technically too dangerous for fixing with a stent. But with relatively important areas still in jeapordy by these blockages. Medicines it is, but wish I felt better about this.

And now the good news: back to Buffalo this evening to make sure I am crisp for two tough cases tomorrow.

Me sleepy.

Missed WWdN by 30 minutes too. No way I can stay up to take down the 35k (heh).

Oh well. Me sleepy.

Laytah.

Intervertion made late is still better than never.

My Dad, a guy I look to as my chief role model as a father and a physician, passed out while exercising Sunday.

Scary, scary stuff, agreed, but when you happen to make a living preventing sudden cardiac death, it's the kind of fear that goes all the way through you. I feel a lot of guilt too, some of which is irrational but a good chunk of which is well earned. I go far, far out of my way for perfect strangers who need my help, my services or my advice. But for my Dad I have been lulled into complacency for the last three years and have not served him well as an eldest son, or as an expert opinion. No one needs to tell me not to beat myself up, because I won't listen. I'm just incredibly thankful he was okay because I know if I lost him it would leave a crater in the middle of my sense of self. I have learned my lesson, and I have resolved to do a better job for him. God knows he deserves it. He's the finest Man I have ever known.

Angiography tomorrow and we'll know more, but it's been a frankly harrowing week in that I've been wrestling with the uncertain outcome of a very challenging case for the better part of five days. I sometimes feel I have got to be more selective about who I will take to the lab, but sometimes there's nothing to be done about it - the work needs to be done. Yeeesh.

Thus it is, I am running on near-empty emotionally today, and without the wife and kids to provide some much needed perspective. Why can't I find a nice, relaxing job as a nanny to my kids?

But this is a pokah blog...

So I have dropped back to between 1-4 MTTs per week and it is killing me. I miss the game a lot, and I truly appreciate how much better you play and see the game when you are playing 20 MTTs/week vs. 2/week. It's frustrating to know you can do better, but just aren't able to devote the attention or focus that is required.

Still on this limited schedule I've cashed the Mansion 100k once (28th/522) for 650. This was back when it was in the evening; I busted largely because I fell asleep twice. Too tired to continue = New Occupational Hazard. Fuck that biotch is soft... I was also looking excellent a couple of days ago on a rare afternoon off: very deep right near the bubble when I got distracted by a phone call and called off 2/3 of my stack preflop when I meant to fold while two others were trying to fight it out. Flop came AAX and I just happen to hold an X. What to do? I'm crippled anyway, so I push. Re-Raiser is of course holding AK and I go from looking great to bubbleboy in record time. Two months ago there is NO WAY I make that kind of error.

Yucko.

I also had a decent run in the $75 18k deep stack on FT the other night. I ran in the top 20 nearly the entire time I was in it, trying a bunch of different things that I normally don't do. Which brings me to our recurring segment here at Flights: Where's The Error?

I'm not sure there is one in this hand to be truthful. But I want to get some thoughts on my play. I am not so interested in how this worked out, just what you think of my play and what considerations I should be taking into account that I might not have. And, of course, what you might have done differently. Since MTTing is receding in terms of hours I can dedicate to it, I am using my limited time to try new things in order to grow my game. Some work, some don't and figuring it out is tougher without the many repetitions that playing a bunch offers you. Thus any help appreciated.

[Aside: I will say that for those of you who play 5 MTTs per week with a sound strategy - the beats are seemingly unbearable because the N is so small. You really don't become inured until up around 20/week. At least that's what I'm finding. I'm not surprised the UltraTablers don't really even register the beats from a signal-to-noise vantage point.]

I don't have tracker on the laptop, so this is reconstructed from memory as best I can:

I am small blind and wake to find QQ. No peace of mind...
I am second in chips with 200+ remaining (16k ish)
Chipleader for some idiotic reason is also at my table (18k ish). He is solid, but aggressive and likes to raise on the blinds when it gets to him unopened. Nonetheless he's shown the goods at showdown twice and bet smartly through
No one else at the table is even close to us.
I have raised frequently in position when folded to me, I have fired two bullets at this table more than once, but shown no bluffs. I have lost at showdown twice with secondbests. I think I'm perceived to be playing loosely.
He open-raises from the cutoff to 700 (blinds were 100/200).
Folded over to me.
I reraise to 2100. [You like? Why/Why Not/Other Options?]
BB folds, Leader calls.
Flop J52 rainbow. Ball's In My Court.
I near pot it for 4k. [You like? W/WN/OO?] I also considered C/R All-In but didn't want to risk giving him a free card in case he was playing a big A. Is this reasoning sound?
He calls my bet.
Turn 9c.
About 12k in the pot. I have about 10k and change behind.
I push. [You like? W/WN/OO?]

Again, I just want to hear what you think about the play, and whether you think this is a +EV move over the long haul. I would also be curious to know how you would characterize my play here (Loose, Maniacal, DimWitted etc.). This is not how I would have played this hand three months ago, and I am not sure this adjustment is sensible. If it isn't be a pal and lemme know.

Laytah.

Inching towards a goal line...aka Limited Poker Content and Zero NonPoker Content (You do the Math)...aka this post was too short for a third title

For those of you who wonder if I am still a bloggah...I direct you to my final hand in the 750k Satellite I played tonight.


Bastahd sucked out on me, but what can ya say; she still looks goot tah me.

This was good to get under the belt. I've been very busy obviously for the last few weeks but I have been surreptitiously watching all the success my friends are having and am feeling very fucking left out. I was beginning to wonder if I could play at the level I wanted to when I know I will be lucky to get 5 MTTs in a week.

So far so good. Plus this is a New Year's Resolution unfolding as I planned to play the big buy-in events at least once a month. Nice that I won't have to risk my own ducats for this month. First crack too.

Okay, yeah it was only 42 runners, so don't worry I am not exactly drowning myself in champagne yet. But importantly to me there were only two spots, so I was excited to play this because the setup meant I would HAVE to open up my game in order to get to the final table in decent shape to make a run at a seat. I often found myself making big moves in the mid-game with hands I would feel a little dumb exposing if I had to. Nonetheless I made the moves and most worked nicely. Still plenty of rust (and other metaphors for stupidity) but I managed not to blow too many toes off. I was actually the chip leader for the endgame - for me a new development. I paid very close attention to my opponents (one tabling and no net surfing) and I was surprised how much easier the game is that way.

Yup, as usual won my share of races and got out of a pinch or two, but also took a sick sick twist at the very end when I moved in for the kill three handed. I was determined to take one of them out as a learning experience in endgame aggression. That worked great until the dude turned his second pair...thought I was going out but then next hand the quiet third guy imploded and pushed AI on second pair and got caught. Game Ovah.

Nope, it's no 14k vacation in the Bahamas, but I'll take it.
Goot start, and that's enough for now.

I get screwed...aka Welcome Back, Mistah Kottah...aka Catch-22 and other horror stories

Well with posting becoming a habit again there was only other requisite piece of the puzzle left to re-establish me as both an online poker player as well as a blogger of some (ill) repute:

I needed my junk kicked.

Right on cue the guy who has given me some of my best and worst ideas in regards to this little orb of ours came through. Overcoming a reticence well-earned and well-worn, I read the HammahPlayah’s flirt with destiny and 1G 10th place finish and realized it was time to return home. Starsward Bound. If only because it will be that much harder to win WWdN if I never actually play it again. When you’re off to slay dragons, ya need a windmill bare minimum.

And that brings me to my early evening download from Pokerstars.com.

Somewhere in the back of my head my little voice spoke to me and pointed out only a lunatic would put 2k in there on the first go ‘round. For once in this misbegotten endeavor I listened to my own self- and sanity- preservation instinct and deposited only a quarter that amount. This way when the inevitable end to this FoolsQuest is realized, my roll will hardly note the absence.

Too pessimistic you object? Creating my own ending with a negative outlook? To borrow one of my favourite phrases: You Decide.

Deep into MATH, I am reintroduced to a bromide I never fully believed. Stars, in all her lightning fast/table shrinking sublimity reminds/advises me that even if one could go home again, that does not mean one necessarily should.

This is close, but from memory, so WryBagel [I must be tired, I just got that joke. Cute.] is more than welcome to edit as necessary:
50/100 in the SB looking at 400 to play from EP and jacks in the box. Call instead of reraise, and I am already second guessing that move before cards come down. Two Tens and a Queen with two players in the pot. With around 2200 in front and 900 in the pot and a 4x from EP I am not worried much about AA, KK. QQ is less likely now with one showing. AQ might have opened that way. Doubt KQ would. Hard to buy AT or KT from a guy who has only played a few hands and played them solidly. I bet 650 into this pot, feeling I am ahead and indifferent to his move. I expected him to fold.

He pushes his 2k at the pot and has me covered obviously.

Time to re-examine. I go through it as methodically as I can, but just can’t see why he would have played AA, KK this way. AQ is possible, but far likelier is a mid pair that tried to shut down action preflop and take the blinds without a fight. He has seen me fold to aggression (who hasn’t?) in the last orbit or so. Win this hand and am in beautiful shape to continue climbing the mountain.

Call. 22. 2 outs and 2 cards to come is all you can ask for I guess. Still, it stung like the whirlwind was in the thornbush (not my image, but ya can’t go wrong with the Man in Black). Man I loved that call. Felt like touch was returning to the fingertips.

Until I stuck them in the campfire.

The player in me notes it’s just proof I need to get in more MTTs so I can once again get inured to the pain synonymous with the doubleclick.

Teleology Central, no?

Laytah.

Inspirations and Exhalations

Uphill in lead today.

The silver lining is that 8 years have done their job. When things go south it amazes me how quiet the inside of my head gets. It seriously feels like time is moving slower.

Still, we’ll have to see how things pan out. Job well done strictly speaking, but some things in this arena are not under your control.

Like I said: uphill in lead.

But that’s not why I’m posting. I’ve been reading everyone’s written goals for the year and I figured it was my turn. If you haven’t staked yourself to written goals I recommend it. I’m a big believer in 5 year roadmaps, and it’s eerie how on-track they can keep you. Nobel Prizes were handed out like Pez at the turn of the last century for elucidating the math and theory of the observer-created reality. I'll allow the macrocosm doesn’t see many of the microcosm’s ripples, but it is uncanny how useful written goals are.

To Wit:

Tactical/Philosophical/Psychological Goals

Improve my post-flop play through a better understanding of Game Theory and get faster at doing the math associated with drawing hands. I am working on simple tables to help me with this, but for a guy who has never had a great flair for numbers, it’s amazingly dry work.

Continue to improve my note-taking skills and improve my focus while playing. That specifically means less chatting while I am in something serious. When I play while BSing, I get too euphoricslashgiddy and in the spirit of having a good time make undisciplined plays at ill-chosen moments. I trust my gut for a living, but at the table I play too tentatively and then too loosely when I am not “dialed in” and listening closely to what my intuition is telling me.

Move my MTT game closer to lucko’s style of true TAG [EDIT: what a fucking tard I can be - gotta start rereading these bitches before posting. Meant to drop the T - because you'd have to be on better drugs than I have access to ta confuse Sucko for tight. Mah bad.] play. Easier said than done. There is a fearlessness he possesses that I would do well to emulate. To my eyes it looks like equal parts Math and Confidence. He couldn’t give a fuck whether his play makes any sense to you – in fact he prefers it looks opaque or donkish to the competition. Specifically, this lack of fear of perception is something I am positive I need to cultivate if the next leap is going to occur. I am not opening up as much as I want too at moments I am priced in because I am fearing failure (loss of the hand/tournaments) and humiliation (having to show a hand which might look foolish to some at the table). Those fears are irrational considering the goal of poker is to make correct situational decisions. As long as the decisions are sound, I shouldn’t care how it “looks”. But I do care because my ego speaks and interferes with my play. I don’t want it to anymore. Without a doubt this will be something I am stuck struggling with for the rest of my time in the game. It's my internal dialogue, and the only reason to even articulate it is the fervent hope that acknowledgement induces rapprochement. We'll see.

BTW congrats to our boy lucko on 100k in earnings in 06. Fucking stellar.

Not to be too results oriented about it, but 2006 was a good year for me by my standards. Pokerdb lists me at around 20k in winnings and about 7k in buy-ins. Lucky? You bet. But a good year nonetheless for a recreational player. I built my role almost exclusively on MTT NLHE play, which a lot of people convinced me was near impossible. Now I'm not exactly in Hoy or smokkee’s league, but I do feel like I am narrowing the chasm in skill differential that existed when I first started playing with those biotches. I’d like to double that total for 07 and hit near 40k on a 10-15k investment. Yeah, yeah I know...I will need to develop a cash game to facillate this.

Another Inner Game insight I've had is that no matter what success I enjoy – no sooner has it occurred than a voice in my head starts convincing me it was a fluke and won’t be repeated. This kind of self-doubt is a cancer to intelligent aggression and leads to prideful actions made to overcompensate for the insecurity. So another important goal will to be clear eyed about where I am and feel confident about my ability at the table. In my real life, that kind of confidence is second nature, but at the table and here on the blog I am frequently plagued by self-doubt. Analysis and self-reflection are important in development but the dark side of that is the crisis of faith in oneself it can induce. I will work harder to recognize and eliminate the Doubt leak. It directly translates into W/T (or Passive/Tight if you prefer) play.

Targets to Aim at:

Win WWdN (congrats to mah boy 55 for taking down the Mookie). WWdN was why I started playing online MTTs. I have final tabled it four times, finished top three twice, but just can’t put it down. I have a Mookie and a (K)Not. I also need to win MATH (came in second once, but no joy).

Get over my bugaboo about Stars. I am an MTT NLHE player and they have great MTTs. Plus all of you play there every week. Superstitions are for the mathematically/critical reasoning impaired. I will move 2k over there and try to make it work. FT will of course remain my girlfriend for life. By the way, I know Duggles had that problem with his FT account, and I just wanted to say that I have not had that experience. I recently made big withdrawals from my FT account and was impressed by how meticulous they were about ensuring my ID before releasing the dough. In addition, although the verification process was long, I thought their customer service throughout the process was excellent. No, I am not a paid endorser for Full Tilt. Unless you count the ridiculous amounts of money I won there this summer as a covert marketing strategy. [If it was, the muthafuckah was brilliant and it worked beautifully. Me heart FT.]

I will play the big buy-in MTTs (via satellites ideally) on a monthly basis at least. I was happy with my FTOPS ME play (honestly the only time the whole year I felt truly cold decked, and no I am not bittah in the least) and think I could do well at these if I can get in without crippling my role. The truth of it is I am working again and in the Bigs at long last. I may factor one Sunday Millions a month into my recreational budget [yeah, yeah, explaining for all exactly how that much dead money makes its way there every week].

Start reading forums regularly and join XFactor. I’ve given this a lot of thought and I don’t know if there is some magic to this site or CardRunners, but in everything else I’ve succeeded at, I have had to invest time and money on education. If I want to keep growing I better do the same here.

Win a ME seat for WSOP, and play at least two or three of the events. Unlike most of you I am a one trick pony and very happy to be so. I am waiting until I feel NLHE is burning me out to try something new, but it hasn’t happened yet.

Win two big field MTT events. My play when it is on has me feeling confident I can move steadily through the field and get to a final table. But I need that next jump to get to where I am entering those situations in a position to win as opposed just peter out in a decent payout. More midgame aggression is my guess, but this is still a work in progress.

Okay, gotta go to work. I have other specific goals I will stake myself to as the year goes on, but this is a decent start.

May we all enjoy the kind of growth we’re hoping for. Especially in Penis Size.

Laytah.